a/n like i said, dont worry about the past things i said. i know they seem concerning, they are just my thoughts and feelings. not present or future actions. past actions, yes, you bet. but im getting out of that. if what i say is badly upsetting to you then stop reading this.
to anyone who may be having a bad day
take your meds, youll feel beter eventually.
go eat something
i love you
dogs
music
chickens swimming
bananas on fire
friends and family
and if you go, you take people with you, so stay alive and trust me, youll be saving others and not even know it.
So now my triggering story
im liz. i am 15, about to be 16 in january. i have a bad past of suicide attempts and selfharm. so lets start. first, dont get into selfharming. its a serious addiction. one wrong move and your out. cutting used to be a nearly every day thing for me. anywhere i could, i would cut. my arms, legs, ankle, thigh, side, stomach, wrists, shoulders, even tried to hit a vein in my neck. so yeah. dont do that. i got better about it for a while and stopped for a couple months but a lot happened and i snapped and started again. now... the suicide stuff... i first thought about suicide in 6th grade. that night was the first time i cut. then, my freshman year, january 9th, i took about 18000 mg of tylenol on my way to school that morning. i had jrotc first hour and people knew something was up because i was crying way harder than usual. one of the battalion commanders brought me to the back room to figure out what was wrong and i told her i took a bunch of tylenol. she went and got Colonel and he called an ambulance. went to the hospital, it had already gone too far into my system for pumping my stomach to do anything. so we waited it off and then i was transported to a psychiatric facility for a week. i miss my friends there. i got out after 7 days and then a couple weeks later i took 8 trazidone, hoping something would happen. i just got tired as hell and slept for about 20 hours. i tried again and once again failed. nobody found out about those attempts, so shhh. i used to use pills to get high and escape from reality. was all fun and games until i overdosed on accident. about a year ago now. it was ibuprofen and some opiod painkiller, forgot the name. but i took a little over 40 mg in less than 24 hours. i was extremely weak, shakey, my pupils were so tiny, i felt so sick, i got extremely tired but i was scared that if i went to sleep i wouldnt wake back up so i waited. i messaged my good friend kameron, he told me to eat some bread and it helped so so much. thats a tip i never knew, if you eat bread, itll remove some of the toxins and stuff in your stomach. like medications and stuff. but yeah, no hospital and nobody knew about it except me, him, and a couple friends.
dont do drugs kids
