Alone [manxman]

seventeen:: when you make amends.

And I had no intention on doing that but I figured he would get the gist eventually.

"Mhm."

He was stepping back and it felt so nervous it almost put me on edge. He was talking when I went to turn away. "I really- I really liked getting to know you."

I didn't know what to say but "... Yeah."

And then his brows creased. He looked at me then, really looked at me. "Julian, are you—"

"I'll see you later, Sully."

: : :

"What are you thinking?"

Danny's words were soft, small, like he was afraid I'd detonate and I matched his energy with only a widening of my eyes. He'd barely seen it, us briefly paused at an intersection and I found myself shrugging.

Mimicking a shyness that I rarely exuded, I rested my head on the window, knowing I'd have to thank him for trying.

"You always get lost in there," he continued without any provocation, licking over his lips as if he didn't know where he was going with it and I ignored it even if I rolled my eyes fondly.

And it was silent all the way back to our dorm.

Maybe I thought the whole making nice thing would be easy, it had been with Danny but perhaps that had something to do with Danny understanding on some level.

He always seemed to get me even if it were on the most minimal level, I assumed that was the cause of all the concern. Maybe his easy acceptance of my shitty attitude ending abruptly hadn't prepared me enough for Wren. I thought the less I felt for them compared to others would keep the farewells light but he wasn't inclined to speak to me.

And that was definitely all my fault.

It wasn't easy that next Sunday to catch up with Wren. If I didn't know any better about how little he let other people affect him, I'd have thought he was avoiding me. I'd trudged through the week going to classes and skipping out on practices, knowing Danny wouldn't bug me anymore.

I figured if I were to end it all anyway, what was the use with ambitions?

I wouldn't have been welcomed back, that much was obvious, and I didn't care enough to try and get back in the Coach's good graces. I drafted out my plan among picking up all the papers I'd discarded during my tantrum, bypassing my writing for a free-page and I wrote down all the names of the people I'd have to fix things with.

The pages of Paul had burned a hole in my chest but I simply shoved them to the back, knowing I wouldn't be able to get rid of them completely. I crossed out Danny's name knowing that the understanding nature of our subtle glances was enough.

Wren was next and I didn't know how much harder of a task it would be.

"Wren." My voice felt foreign when I'd caught up with him outside of the resource building, he had a binder in his hands, bag slung over his shoulder and seemed to be dressing more androgynous than usual. Stares followed him down the steps only for a second, as if people had suddenly forgotten it was California. "Hey, wait up, Wren!"

My feet were much slower than my voice, following me to meet him up the stairs and upon seeing me, he pulled the shades -that sat perched on top of copper curls- down to cover his sea-green eyes and he'd brushed past me.

"Leave me alone." His voice had no sign of wavering and I would've stopped on any other occasion, would've left because he seemed to have no interest in talking to me and I had to be the one less-interested, any other interaction would leave my dwindling self-esteem wounded.