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Rich, Who Emotionally Scarred Me As A Child, Fucks Me Over

  "Oh. Uh, Jake and I haven't talked about you recently, though?"

  "He showed me this... he said it was a while ago."

  "Okay."

  "You said you... you said you didn't actually care about me. And you basically called me 'the cancer kid that I need to make happy before he dies' and just..." he sniffs, "Uhm, I just wanted to know if that... if that actually happened? I mean, I-I know you'd never... never say anything like that, b-but..."

  "Wait, why was he only mentioning this now?"

  "Wait, so.... so this actually happened?

  "Well, I mean... like, uh, I-I didn't mean—I mean, yeah I said it, but I never meant for it—"

  "Wait, you mean you actually said all that?" His expression turns into something beyond betrayed, "Jesus Christ, I thought Jake photoshopped some shit to make you look bad, but... y-you actually..."

  "I... Look, Jeremy," I try to stay as level-headed as possible, but I'm freaking out inside, because the fact that Jake tried to make me look like a massive asshole put me in a state of whiplash, "I was just being dumb. I was a massive dick back then."

  "Back then? You mean four months ago?"

  "I... Jeremy."

  "Shut up. Just fucking shut up," he snaps and I flinch. His voice sounded impossibly sad, "Do you wanna fucking... Do you wanna fucking know what Rich said? He told me why you... why you did that whole thing in fourth grade. I know you didn't love me, don't give me that shit, we were thirteen. I asked him about it and he told me... he told me everything."

  "Rich has nothing to do with it—"

  "Oh, so you're just lying to my face now?" Jeremy's voice sounds tearful, "Jesus," he sniffs, laughing sadly, "I don't even care if you're a dick sometimes, but lying about it? God, I seriously thought you wanted to be my friend."

  "And I do, Jeremy! We totally are friends. I'm sorry, I'm just—"

  "How do I know this isn't all a lie? How do I know I'm not just another pawn in your chess game?"

  "Do you really think I'd commit to a lie so much that I'd spend hours Skype-calling you and visiting you every goddamn day?"

  "Of course you would. It's not like that's a new concept to you," Jeremy sucks the air through his teeth, "That's why you fucking—why you fucking broke up with me in front of everyone! Because you wanted to fucking humiliate me, Michael! What else could it be? It's not like you ever fucking liked me!"

  "What are you talking about? That was four years ago, Jeremy. You don't even like me like that anymore, why is it such a big deal?"

  "Because I did love you back then! And back then it fucking hurt! And I know I was just stupid and thirteen, but I still had feelings back then, man. I know you fucking hated me. If you gave a single fuck about me you would've at least let me off easily, but no, you just... you did that instead and... and—"

  "Wait, Jeremy, that's not what I—"

  "So you led me on for three years, made me think I had someone who didn't actually hate me for once, and it was all a lie?"

  "What? I never hated you!"

  "Yeah! Well you sure fucking acted like it!" Jeremy seems to choke on his words.

  A silence spread across the room.

  "Jeremy, it was four years ago—"

  "And it stopped hurting three years ago. And I stopped getting bullied because of it two years ago. And I was completely over it a year ago. Four months ago, I forgave you. That shit had after-effects like you wouldn't believe. You really think people would want to be friends with the stupid kid who got publicly broken up with in front of an entire school of people? Chloe was sacrificing her entire reputation just by talking to me, let alone being my friend," He tried to take deep breaths, and it helps a tiny bit, but his inhales stay shallow.

"Jeremy..." I stand up, walking over towards him slowly. I take both of his hands in mine. He looks up at me, looking completely broken. "Listen," I tilt my head, "You're the best friend I've ever had. I... I know I fucked up. It was—"

"You know Rich told me everything about why you asked me out in fourth grade, right?"

"He what? Wait, like everything everything, or—"

"You wanted people to think you were straight."

"Jere—"

"You thought I was a girl."

"I..." I let in a shaky inhale, realizing that I can't deny any of that. I cannot fucking believe Rich told him. I tried to kid myself and say that it was just an honest mistake, but if someone did to me what I did to Jeremy I'd probably be ten times more pissed off than he is right now.

"God," He laughed tearfully, "Can't believe I was hopeless pining after a guy for three years until I was thirteen who didn't give a shit about me for all three of those years. Really makes you think, huh? If you lied so easily back then, who's to say this isn't all a lie now? I mean, that would be funny wouldn't it? Let's lead on the stupid, sensitive, vulnerable kid with cancer and then end up humiliating him one way or another. You'd like that, wouldn't you? I bet you'd find that fucking hilarious."

"Hey, hey, look at me, okay?" I caressed his knuckles with my thumb, trying to get him to calm down, because I really want to have a calm, level-headed conversation about this, "I want you to—"

He yanks his hands out of my grip, walking backwards, "I don't want to hear it. Just shut up," he says it with a toxic lilt in his tone, "It was fun being your cover-up, Michael. Hope you tricked some people into thinking you were straight."

  I look at him desperately, and he looks back at me with tears in his eyes. He sucks the air through his teeth and hesitates for a second, before sighing. He slowly takes off the stupid friendship bracelet I knitted for him at that stupid sleepover, walks over to me, and puts it in my hand. He takes one last look at me, and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

I stood there for maybe an entire minute, trying to comprehend what just happened.

I felt my body back up until it hit the wall, as I slowly slid down it.

I'm so fucking stupid.