Blood of Azura

Part XXXI

'No,' he said finally. 'Her feelings are not matched by my own.'

'Why not? She is beautiful. Brave. Honourable.' The words were out before she could stop them. She did not know why she thought he would not already know these things, or whether she thought to present them to him here and now would alter his feelings in some way.

Did she want them to?

He looked at her like one might look at a child. 'Do we ask why the lariat tree blooms in the harshest of places? Do we question why the moon dies each night to give way to the sun? We do not. For the answers to such things are of no consequence. They simply are.' He took a deep breath and refocussed his dark gaze on her. 'Now I would ask you something, Fara of Calate and Azura.'

She swallowed, her breath caught in her throat like a fly in a web. 'Very well.'

'You could have seen me condemned this night - condemned by my own kind no less - a vengeance most can only dream of. Instead, you spoke for me. Why?' His eyes shone like onyx held to flame.  She longed to give him an answer which made her sound resolute and considered.  As though all had been part of some great fixed plan of hers in which he was no more than a minor point.  But this was not true.

She had spent the journey back to Teredia considering the very same question. Why had she spoken for him? Aided him. Why had she felt that it was the only thing she could do when faced with the alternative? The reasons she had arrived upon in the chamber were not so clear to her now. The harder she considered them the more they alluded her, meandering like mist on the surface of the water.

'I do not know,' she admitted finally, casting her eyes downward. 'Perhaps I no longer have a taste for vengeance.'

This she knew was untrue, for as she breathed she would ever pray for Zybar's reckoning. Desire for retribution still burned brightly through her body whenever she thought of King Torrik and his cursed line when she called to mind Galyn's other death. But why did she no longer desire the same for Theodan? It was still by his hand that Galyn lay dead.

'Those who are gone from us are gone still...' she muttered, vague.

His next words were so quiet she wondered if he even intended her to hear them. 'I would have spared you his last moments. Had I known who stood before me... I would have spared you it.'

She tensed. He had never spoken to her of Galyn with anything but disdain. He had not once shown remorse for his actions nor any guilt over them. It was not an apology for what he had done, nor did he intend it as such, but it was the first inclination that he would do things differently if he were required to do them again.

'You would have killed him still.' This was not a question.

He did not flinch from her stare. He nodded once. 'Yes,' he said.

She did not know what to do with his words and so she simply held them there. Tight in her fist

'There is little use in talking of what could have been done, what might have been done,' she said. 'All that remains is what will be done.'

His gaze intensified. 'Then you have my word once more that I will see you safely home to Calate. This I promise you.'

The irony of it. It was almost beautiful. For she knew then that she would likely be far safer here with him on Leoth than she would ever be with Valdr in Calate.

'Azura was my home, Theodan.' she said.

Nothing remained there for her now, but it was the sweet scent of the sea that she longed for. That called to memory the feeling of safety and freedom she had enjoyed for the briefest time. The warm air scented with the sweetness of her flowers and the richness of her spice. The smooth hot stone of the balcony where she could watch the sunrise lift above the sea. A stolen contentment. All the sweeter for it perhaps.