Chapter 1: My Life

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"I just don't understand you these days...The divorce has been hard for the whole family, but all you do these days is mope around the house. Do you even have any friends anymore?"

That was my mother. As you can tell, I come from a loving home. Not. She really didn't understand me, never had, never would. I'd lost all of my friends at this point. I got boring I guess... Or depressive.

The fact that I never told them what HE did to us, had made them never comprehend me. I had always thought I had the bestest friends ever. Until the day that I couldn't take it anymore. I pretended to be someone I wasn't, I was always cheerful and talkative. I never genuinely felt happy. But to them, I was the most happiest person in the world.

Proves how much they know.

I ignored my mom until she gave up and left my room.

I couldn't wait to graduate high school and leave this town, full of bitter memories and fake people.

I was once one of those fake people. Not anymore. People were going to have to learn to accept me for who I was. And if they couldn't, well I just wasn't going to care. Not anymore.

Michelle had once understood me.

At some point, we were those type of friends that did everything together. When her parents divorced, who was there for her? Me. When her mom remarried three other men, who was there to make it all better? Me. When she broke her arm from falling of a tree? Again, I was there.

The day my dad started drinking and the day my parents divorced, where was she?

Off with multiple boys in random parties.

Telling her mom she had slept over while she was off partying until 4 am.

After months of her using me, our friendship was over. As simple as that.

Now, before you start to think I'm full of hatred, you need to know a few things.

First of all, being full of hate protects you from the outside world. The cruel world, where people are full of addictions and envy.

Second of all, I had my reasons to be who I was.

Did you ever meet a girl that was always nice to everyone and got good grades? Who was always being used by people, but she still plastered a smile on her face everyday because that's the type of person she was.

That person was me.

And I was really tired of being that person.

From now on, I was going to stand up for myself. I had let everyone use me, like a person uses the toilet. Which is very disgusting because I'd let myself get to this point.

I. Was. Done.

Another reason for all the hate my life seemed to revolve around, was my father. He'd become those type of fathers that you see on the news all time. Or in soap operas. He drank, was never home, and when he was, he made my life a living hell. He'd hit us for no reason.

I'd be sitting down doing my homework and he'd become all enraged and slap me across the face. I was tired of always telling my teachers excuses for all my bruises and scars. What I was the most tired of was seeing my dad hit my mom. Even though my mother was clueless as to how to be a mother, she wasn't a bad person. She didn't deserve what she got everyday from my father. No human being does, no matter how bad they were as people.

I was glad he was finally out of our lives. All he'd ever brought was pain. 

                                                                                          ***

Now, one thing I did have love for, was boy bands. They made me smile and gave me something to do. Being a fan was like a job.

Directioner. TW Fanmily. Redhead.

Aka my life.

They were the only people in my life that I could say had never let me down. And that's because they didn't know who I was. And never would. Did that ever stop me? No.

It was better to know you'd never meet a person than meet them and be disappointed. That's something life had taught me.

I'd had enough of life. And all of its paths and lessons.

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