zentropy | mileven.

¹⁾ we're going to be friends

the first day of that year came as a shock to everyone as jane patrolled down the hallways without her raccoon eyes or slicked hair. her face was bare, and her hair was ruffled about in a shirley temple cut. instead of her usual black trench coat, she flaunted an oversized flannel and tights, matched with a pair of clunky, dirty doc martens.

she was a lot less scary like that to most, but to me she was just as intimidating as before.

"hey wheeler,"
she said to one day while I was getting my books from my locker. it came as a shock, of course, as we hadn't spoken since the "fuck off" incident in the 6th grade.
"um. hi."
"what are you doing?"
"uh," I gestured to my locker and then to my backpack, "books."
"ahh, I see," she said, a smile plastered on her face as her body leaned towards the metal lockers.
silence filled the air as we stood there, simply attempting to avoid eye contact.
well at least I was. I think she was looking right at me.

"why are you talking to me?" I said breaking the silence.
"why not?"
"well, because you've never done it before,"
"there's a first time for everything, isn't there?"
"well, yeah, I guess, but don't you kind of hate me or something?"
"who said I hated you? I don't hate you,"
"well you sure act like it."

jane shook her head with a scoff, crossing her arms in disbelief.
"you're an idiot, you know that? that's just how I am to everyone. no need to take it so personal."
"well, then why are you being nice to me now?"
"again, why not? you seem nice enough. plus, I'm not like that anymore."
I looked at her up and down as I compared it to her past appearance.
"yeah, well you've definitely changed."
she laughed at this, which caused my chest to flutter for a millisecond, which startled me at first, but I kept it contained.
"last year. huh, terrible right? complete angsty phase of hating absolutely everyone and everything. you know how embarrassing I was? I literally hissed at people walking by in the hallways," she laughed, shaking her head in shame, "so glad that's over."
I laughed along with her, "no way," I said to the hissing thing, and she nodded her head as the both of us harmonized in fits of laughter.

the next two years were spent hanging out with each other during every second of the day that we could find.

I invited her to hang out with the group, and soon enough she had integrated in, telling the funniest stories and sharing the most interesting memories. she became one of us.
but throughout it all, she remained my best friend.
we were two peas in a pod. it was just how it was. jane and mike. and everyone knew it.
but we were just friends. and that's how it should've been. that's how it should've stayed.

***

I looked over at her for the first time in a couple minutes as we strolled down the empty hallways. it had been more than a year since we'd last spoken, and I'd been thinking about why I was nervous now when I never used to be around her before.

"so why?" I asked, puncturing a hole into the dead silent atmosphere that hung around us.
"why what?" she asked, slowing her pace slightly.
"why'd we drift apart? why'd we just stop taking?"
a shrug came from her small slouched shoulders, as her eyes darted towards the floor.
"I mean, things change once high school starts," she said, "after eighth grade I guess we just never talked during the summer and it started drifting from there."
"but why'd we just mutually ignore each other for the entirety of freshman year?"
"I didn't want to do that," she said quietly.
"neither did I."
"yes, you did."
"what?"
I was taken aback. I never wanted us to stop being friends. it was just- different.

"you stopped talking to me more after I told you how I felt."

I nodded, realizing that I had to recognize my faults.

"well, yeah, it's a little weird, but I never wanted to stop being friends- it was just different with you...feeling like that. I mean, if you didn't feel that way towards me, we could rebuild our friendship and pick up where we left off. like nothing ever happened."
"I understand," she softly muttered.
"but, you don't, like, feel that way anymore, right? because then I'd be okay with being friends again."

a pause of silence filled the air once more as we both stopped in our tracks and locked eyes.

it was a familiar feeling, but one that I hadn't experienced all too much. It was like the world lost its focus and transfigured into a mesh of shapes and blurs and light and colors. the only things in existence were just her eyes and mine, entangled with one another in the silence that seemed all too unimportant in the moment.

it was a feeling that I'd missed.

finally, that familiar soft voice broke the illusion of the world my mind had sunk into for those few seconds.

"of course I don't feel that way anymore."

⋆⋆⋆

hi guys, I hope you liked the first chapter of zentropy! this first chapter was mainly for backstory and such, so sorry if it moved slow or if it was a little boring. again, I didn't read over it for grammar or misspelling so excuse any errors. also, I'm trying out the thing where all the chapter names are song titles that fit the chapter, this one is by the white stripes and it's one of my favorites!! we're gonna get into the MEAT of the story (lol) soon so expect all the backstory and flashbacks to be over after chapter two. (Jane's POV!!)

hope you liked it, don't forget to vote comment and follow ♡♡

-sonorabee