carnations. chensung

s i x

'renjun tell me what happened. who is jisung?' chenle looked up, his hands wet and cheeks salty with tears.
renjun propped himself up as best he could as chenle sat down beside him to listen to his best friend.
'jisung was the one who you were in love with. his friends rang me to see where we both were this morning and i told them everything that had happened and that you loved jisung...' renjun stopped to cough, a single petal falling to the floor. chenle put an arm around his friend as his eyes welled up with tears. 'they must have told him about you and everything that happened and that must've been why he came in here. by the looks of it he has hanahaki too because he's in love with you chenle. jisung loves you back.'

chenle sighed sadly. he knew he couldn't do it.
'i feel like i can't love anymore in fear that it might happen again...' he looked down at his hands.
that sentence shattered renjun's heart as that meant that chenle would never love him or jisung back.
'but what about jisung and m- i mean what will he do? you can't let him die!' renjun wailed.
'i know, but i can't love him because that operation meant that i lost all my feelings for him. i feel awful but i feel its the only way. i'm sorry.' chenle got up and sat on the end of the hospital bed once again, burying his head in his hands.

silence fell between the two and was only broken by the sounds of beeping machines and occasional voices from the ward they were in. chenle cried silently into his hands and he could hear renjun coughing furiously but he didn't want to look up and see his friend suffering. after a while the coughing stopped and a small faint whispering voice was heard. it was renjun.
'chenle... help me... i lo-'

chenle lifted his head from his hands to find renjun laying on the floor, barely breathing, his small, shaking body surrounded with flower petals, stalks and blood. it looked like a messier version of that one scene from the hunger games because even in all of his pain, renjun still looked beautiful.
chenle knelt down, picked renjun's limp body up and placed him gently in the bed. chenle wiped the blood from the older boys chin, brushed his hair from his face and then began to pick up the flowers on the floor. chenle's heart ached for his best friend and the fact he didn't know how to help him.

a nurse came through the curtain to find chenle throwing the last of the petals into the metal bin in the corner and renjun laying in the bed, his breathing shallow.
'what happened him?' the nurse asked, rushing over to renjun's bedside. chenle broke down in tears.
'he has hanahaki disease but he won't let me help him.' he sobbed, big tears dropping onto the white bedsheets that covered renjun's delicate figure.
'how long has he had it?' the nurse looked from chenle to renjun.
'i don't know. i think it's been a while though because he's been coughing up whole flowers not just petals.' chenle walked over to renjun's side and gripped his hand.
the nurses expression showed that renjun was in a critical condition.
'wait here with him while i go and get some doctors and we will operate on him immediately.' she then rushed out of the room leaving the two best friends with each other. chenle never wanted to leave renjun let alone in a moment like this.

'everything is going to be alright renjun. i promise.' chenle whispered to his friend, unknowing to the fact that in an hours time, renjun wouldn't even remember chenle or his feelings for the younger.
renjun's eyes flitted open a fraction and a small smile graced his face.
'they're going to help you renjun. they're going to operate on you now. everything will be okay.' chenle smiled knowing his friend was going to be okay.
'they... can't...' renjun croaked in between heavy breaths.
'why not?' chenle became a little worried. he knew his friend was stubborn but why would he not want to live.
'i don't want to forget you. i-' renjun said something else but a swarm of doctors rushing in and around renjun meant chenle couldn't hear what renjun had said.
why would he forget him? did he...?
chenle's eyes widened, it all made sense but it was too late. his best friend was going to forget him soon all because he was too blind to see that renjun loved him.

chenle ran down the hall, hoping that the bed with his dying friend had not got far enough away for him to shout to renjun.
luckily the doctors had only made it a small distance down the hall because a man in a wheelchair was blocking the somewhat narrow hallway.
chenle sprinted as fast as he could down to the bed.
'i love you too renjun.' he held his best friends hand but it wasn't enough because chenle didn't love renjun the same way renjun loved him. and it broke chenle's heart.
'i'll never forget you chenle.' renjun smiled, it looked like he was at peace with what he knew was going to happen to him.
the doctors rushed through a set of double doors that chenle wasn't allowed beyond so he stood watching through the little circular windows as renjun coughed up petals and was wheeled around a corner and out of sight.
'i love you renjun. i really do. i'm so sorry.' chenle cried, collapsing onto the floor in a fit of tears. it was too late.

chenle sat on the floor for what felt like ages thinking about what he had to do, but he couldn't think of anything. what was he going to do about jisung who was in love with him? what was going to happen between renjun and chenle? chenle didn't know how he was going to cope when renjun came through and didn't recognise him. two thoughts came to mind and kept repeating themselves in chenle's head.
chenle wished that he had never even met jisung in the first place but he knew he didn't mean it and he wished that he had just died that morning on his bedroom floor surrounded by flower petals in peace.
chenle just wanted this nightmare to end and that everything could end happily ever after.

but that was far from what would happen.

༻❁༺

i have finished writing this book but i don't have data or wifi so i will publish the rest whenever i can

spoiler; very sad

~nimmy