werewolf boy || hanbin fanfic ft Kang Ha Neul

twenty four ; shame

*HANBIN POV*

I woke up with my head groggy and pounding hard, as if I'd gotten drunk the previous night.

Turning onto my side, my eyes rested on Sebyul, who was still sleeping, her bangs ruffling slightly as the fan blew past.

Beautiful.

I wanted to reach out to touch her, but was afraid of waking her up. And somehow, it felt only right to stare at her like this, to capture every single little detail about her in my mind. She was so lovely, she was everything I ever wanted. And lying down next to her yet not touching her gave me a weird feeling inside.

She felt out of reach. Not physically, but more on a ... Spiritual level.

I don't know how to describe it, how to put it into words exactly, but it's just this pang of feelings in me that I've never felt before. I was lying down next to her just as I have done so many times before, and I remember always feeling this swell of emotions where it felt like our hearts were connected everytime I looked at her.

But today... I couldn't feel it. I was actually feeling afraid. Afraid that she would wake up and feel the same way as she had yesterday.

I'd never had doubts about her love for me, her eyes just showed me how much she loved me. But I couldn't be so sure now. Yesterday I'd seen the doubt behind her eyes, the mistrust. She'd told me I'd changed, and that she was afraid of me.

What if I'd really changed?

What if she starts to really hate me, because of what I've become? I don't even know what I did that was so wrong to them, I don't even remember doing anything she said I'd done.

Have I really changed?

Just like how I couldn't feel the connection between us anymore, did she too not feel the same way as before? Was our love for each other fading? She still looked beautiful to me, and my heart still pumps for her, but all of a sudden I'd rather she not be here to see me. I'd rather not see her.

Shaking my head in desperation, I got out of bed quietly, feeling the need to get away and escape from my complicated feelings.

I couldn't even pinpoint exactly what it was that I was feeling. I just didn't feel good. I let myself into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, then splashed my face with water.

The cold water woke me up a little more, and I stared at myself in the mirror, feeling lost. The Hanbin in the mirror stared back at me, staring straight into my eyes, and I looked away, not wanting to exchange eye contact with him.

Was I actually... Ashamed of myself?

I glanced back at my reflection, feeling the room spin slightly as I realized with a sick feeling in my throat that I was actually embarrassed to face myself. The Hanbin that was staring back at me looked so weak, so powerless and deflated.

And that's me. I am this loser standing infront of me. This big ass loser who had failed to not only win the crown, but had also lost all his friends and nearly his girlfriend, because he'd changed for the worst.

I am nothing now. Even though I'm now out of jail, I still have no power whatsoever over Haneul, or anyone for that matter. I was just waiting to get shipped off and banished to some other country, and even if Sebyul followed after me, I'll just be giving her hell as her future.

There was no doubt that she was worth me giving everything up for... But now that I have, would she think I was worth being with?

Suddenly, I felt the urge to get out of here. Anywhere but here. I needed air.

I morphed into my werewolf form, then smashed the windows open and leaped out into the woods outside. A rush of relief and freedom engulfed me as the wind whipped past my face, and I flew by further into the woods before finally letting out a howl that sounded truly like my own.

"Awoooooooooooooo." I cried, feeling a weight lift off my heart as I did so. I continued letting out a series of howls, making sure that it wasn't loud enough to reach Sebyul.

I didn't want her to hear it and worry about me.

When it felt like I'd finally relieved enough of my emotions, I curled up next to a tree and sat my face on my paws, feeling exhausted. Before I could rest long however, there suddenly came a howl that sounded not too far away from where I was. A female voice.

The howl sounded again nearer to me, and I realised it was a howl responding to me. I perked up and waited, wondering who it could be.

Within a few seconds, a shaded wolf figure appeared between the trees, slowly approaching me. The sunlight filtered through and fell onto the wolf's face, revealing her identity.

Jisoo.

Upon seeing me, she leapt forward, crashing into me in an embrace, making us roll over and over again on the forest ground until we finally came to a stop and collapsed in a sprawl.

"You're... Such a wreck." I panted, glancing over at her and laughing.

"Nice to see you too." She giggled, getting up and offering me a paw. I took it and dragged myself up, shaking off the leaves that had gotten stuck on my coat.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, slightly surprised to see her. The last time we'd met was during my trip with Sebyul, when they'd come to give me a little visit. I had a past with Jisoo, we'd known each other when we were young, and I'd always gotten the feeling that she had feelings for me, even though I only see her as a sister.

"I heard your howls, so I decided to come over and see who it was. I heard what happened to you Hanbin, and I'm sorry I couldn't change Junhoe's decision. You know that he's the head of our pack and we can't rebel against him." She shook her head apologetically.

"I understand. It's just... Hard. Remember the last time we met? Everything was so peaceful back then... I'd only just met Sebyul, and we were so hopelessly in love. I wish I'd never came back here. I should have just hid my identity and never came to reclaim my crown."

She was quiet for awhile, just staring into the distance, and I watched as the wind ruffled her white fur. Memories flashed back into my mind, and I remembered our younger days, when she would always be the one to come up with solutions to my problems.

Suddenly, she turned towards me, her eyes lit up. "Hanbin. You can still get your crown back."

I turned towards her fully, my ears piqued up in anticipation.

"What do you mean?"

Her mouth curled up into a smirk, and she winked at me playfully, "I have a plan."

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*Author's note*

Hello guys! So sorry for the lack of updates, but I've been overseas in Korea and everyday has been so packed I've been unable to update!

But finally here's an update hahahaha I rly hope you guys enjoyed it:)))))

See y'all soon and oh! Merry (belated) Christmas!!!!! <33333