Who He Is

ten

J

The heat of the shower was almost excruciating against my skin, but I didn't care. I wanted to feel something, anything other than the heaviness in my chest that's been weighing me down after deciding that I was going to leave Jessa.

I planned to wait until she was asleep. I planned to walk out and go wherever my energy could take me, but truth be told, I was scared as fuck. Not of being on my own or finding a place to sleep, but of leaving her. I ran my fingers through my hair and closed my eyes as the soapy hot water ran down my face that was over run with facial hair.

"J," I heard Jessa say from outside the bathroom door along with a couple of knocks. "My mom is almost home."

"Okay." I replied loud enough so that she could hear me before turning the water off and stepping out into the steamy bathroom. I almost ran my hand over the fogged up mirror to look at my reflection, but once again decided against it while ignoring the deep ache in my chest.

"J," Jessa said again, worry laced in her voice. I smiled.

"You can come in." I said after quickly pulling my boxers up my legs. I usually would want to cover every inch of my skin before anyone saw me, but I found myself not caring about that as much around her.

I noticed her eyes widen as soon as she opened the door, and just when I thought I wouldn't care about her seeing me, I found myself quickly turning around to grab my T-shirt.

"Hey," She stopped me and grabbed my arm before I could put it on. "Don't hide." She whispered, using the words I had told her earlier when she was crying.

I swallowed a forming lump in my throat and watched as her eyes scanned down my body that was bruised and cut. She didn't look disgusted like I had imagined she would, she only smiled and afterward met my gaze. She was wearing her big ass glasses and a huge T-shirt with her hair in a nest on top of her head. She wasn't like any girl I've ever been with, not that I'm with her exactly, but she was definitely different in the best of ways. I wanted to take her face in my hands and have her beg for me to stay, I wanted her to give me a reason.. anything.

I hated that she had such a huge effect on me in such a short amount of time. I hated feeling this way, fuck, I even missed feeling nothing and being emotionally numb.

"Does it hurt?" She asked after a few moments of peaceful silence.

Everything hurts.

"No." I lied and watched as she stepped closer to me with her hand out. I closed my eyes as she touched the skin of my stomach that was still wet from the shower, and I hoped she wouldn't stop.

She ran her fingers over the bruises and slashes that covered me gently and slowly, a feeling that I welcomed with open arms. I was so used to fighting and people being rough with me that I hardly knew what a gentle touch was. She treated my skin as if it were glass, as if it were the most delicate thing on earth.

"Who would do such a thing?" Jessa asked while running her pointer finger over a large gash that was caused by a couple of guys and a knife.

I frowned and grabbed her hand in mine, hating that her eyes were now welled up with tears.

"It doesn't matter, it's over now." I assured her and caught a tear from the corner of her eye with my thumb before it could fall.