Thoughts

Idk what this is, all i know is its sad

Does anybody else find it funny that I, a fourteen year old girl, has been through more in my childhood than a lot of adults have been through in their whole lives? I've suffered severe depression, suicidal tendencies, PTSD, abuse (from family and friends), loss of loved ones, hallucinations from stress, several grey hairs, watching a living creature die in person, a form of anorexia, severe bullying, sexual harassment, and I've come close to death more times than I can remember. People still say I'm lucky, lucky I have a roof over my head, lucky I have food on the table, lucky to still be alive after however many traumatic near death experiences I've been through. People try to tell me I have it easy because my mom has a "well paying" job. Right now me and my mom are flat broke, living in my Grandmas spare house, with nothing to eat but thanksgiving leftovers and pop tarts. Did I mention a medical condition I have is causing me to fail school? Try saying I'm lucky now. "Lucky" is not losing my house and two cats to a fire. "Lucky" is your mom getting a raise so you can eat real food, instead of cheap ass processed shit that will give me a heart attack within a month. "Lucky" is not having to cry yourself to sleep every night because while you and your mom are struggling, your dad is living the rich life in Washington with his new wife and kids, not giving a damn about you unless he looks bad. I'm not saying I want to kill myself, far from it. I'm saying if I can live through this shit and still keep a smile on my face at school so I don't look like an attention freak in front of my friends, then you can do it too. Even if you feel like your life can't get any worse, you still should push to make something out of whatever train wreck your in. Whatever god up there knows I'm tryin' with mine