The Winter Project

7. Stephanie

She was pacing back and forth in the living room to try and calm her agitation, but she knew already from past experience that it wasn't going to work. She had messaged Minoru hours ago to tell him she would be making one of his favourite meals for dinner. When he hadn't replied, she decided to wait until he would let her know that he was on the bus home so that she could time it to be ready exactly as he walked in the door. When it got to 7:00pm, she began obsessively checking his social media accounts to see if he had been tagged in any photos or reported dead. By 9:00pm, she was furious.

Deep down, she knew that Minoru was probably fine and had likely gone to the pub after work with friends, but this made her angry. He was always socialising with his friends or with his colleagues. She had moved to London for him, for their relationship. She didn't have any friends in London and she had no colleagues to socialise with on a Friday night because she didn't work. She made all of these sacrifices for Minoru, for their relationship. He knew she was home alone all day, so why wasn't he considerate enough to come home and spend some fucking time with her?

She tried to calm herself down by lighting a cigarette. She stared at the uncooked chicken on the kitchen counter that she had chosen to passive-aggressively leave there in sign of protest. Why should she cook for him when he couldn't even be bothered to come home on time?

She caught sight of herself in the mirror as she walked back towards the living room and stopped to take a closer look at herself. She had put on several stone in weight since moving in with Minoru. She didn't bother to go to a hairdresser anymore. What little make-up she was wearing this morning had been worn off, most of it rinsed away by her frantic crying a few hours earlier. She wanted to be unhappy with the way she looked and try to fix it before Minoru saw her like this, but she felt that it gave her the appearance of a victim; one that he wouldn't be able to be angry at. She knew that Minoru would read her many messages and be maddened by the suffocating feeling it gave him, but she knew it was too late to retract them and the only thing to do now was to play the role of adoring, concerned girlfriend who just wanted to spend more time with the man she loved. It was what always worked when the confrontation ever got this drastic, which was usually around once a month. Minoru wasn't a confrontational guy, and he hated drama. He cared deeply about the ones he loved, Stephanie knew this all too well, but sometimes it would appear that he wasn't bothered at all by the way he chose to avoid any drama in their relationship. Stephanie would have to force him to fight by backing him into a corner until he angrily declared that he was sorry, and that he just wanted the peace to be restored so they could go back to living their lives. She knew that it was just a blip in their otherwise perfect relationship.

Before Minoru, Stephanie had never had a long-term boyfriend, and so every little behaviour she had in their relationship was built on instinct rather than experience. She had spent her late teens and early twenties constantly partying until the early hours of the morning in clubs until she found a man to take home, and she had never developed an actual bond with a man until she had met Minoru. From the day she met him, she was in love with him, and there was nothing in the world that could stop her from loving him. She was just so lucky that he loved her just as much as she loved him.

As she waited, she began to put the pieces together. She thought about everything she had seen on his computer in the last few weeks. She thought about the way he seemed to try as hard as possible to avoid spending time with her. She thought about the missing ring on her engagement finger and how little Minoru paid attention. She started to feel sick as she allowed herself to understand that Minoru might not love her at all. She knew he had loved her once, for it is unmistakable to notice when somebody is in love with you - the little shine in their eye when they see you, the way they smile at everything you say. The way they stare at you as if you're the most beautiful thing or person on the planet. She knew it was much harder to confirm when somebody has fallen out of love with you, but she began to prepare herself for the worst. She prepared herself for the confrontation, but she was too tired now to argue all night. She was too tired to argue at all. Stephanie wanted nothing except to be respected enough to be given the truth.