Shattered

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I lay still, panting as I tried to catch my breath. I slowly slipped my hand out from my panties and let it limply rest against the low of my stomach. As I stared up at the pale white ceiling, I could feel a wave of emotions swimming around inside of me.

Hunger. Desire. Lust. Need. Disgust. Guilt.

The emotions ate away inside of me, making me grind my teeth together in frustration and irritation. It was wrong - so fucking wrong, that although I was practically thirsting for more of Lucas, I wasn't completely blinded by how immoral the situation was.

Lucas was a fucking engaged man. He was spoken for. He had a gorgeous fiancé, and although he didn't look all too smitten by her, it didn't shake the fact he was with her. Period. And regardless of Lucas and I's romantic past shared together, it didn't justify why I was reacting so strongly to him. It wasn't morally right at the end of the day.

I blew out a deep breath, slowly managing to stand up, both tired from all the emotions rushing around inside of me without a single sense of control, as well as due to attending work, an entire eight hour shift, with only a thirty minute break for lunch, all of it spent on my feet.

I dragged my feet over towards my bedroom and was more than tempted to fall face-flat into my bed the second I laid my eyes on it - but I needed to shower first and change. Oh and freaking eat something.

Sighing to myself, I stripped free from my clothing and started up a warm shower. Inside I was trying to battle these roaring emotions whilst on the outside I tried staying physically awake. The warm water rained down upon me and I savoured it, knowing it wouldn't last too soon. I could barely afford the water meter this month, I guess I had been lacking in tips, all of my attention focused on Lucas rather than my costumers when he came to visit. Especially on the busy nights.

God, how obsessed I was beginning to be with him was scary.

Turning off the water, I stepped outside and hurriedly wrapped a towel around me. I tried not to let my thoughts taunt my mind as I dried myself and dressed into my pyjama shorts along with a loose tank top. As I brushed my teeth and stared at my reflection in the mirror, I could easily read the difference in my face. In my eyes.

They were tired, yes, but full of longing that I would never quite satisfy. It was a shame, I thought as I spat out a large ball of spit and rinsed my mouth. Lusting after a man I could never have was truly the most saddest thing I had probably done.

Soon enough I entered my bedroom and finally got to fall into my bed, sighing the second I noticed Coca was sitting perched on the edge of it, a meow leaving her when my eyes met her large green ones.

I was so tired mentally and physically, I didn't bother kicking her off like I usually would and instead slipped under my covers, being careful not to kick her after hearing her angrily meow when my foot brushed against her warm body. I rolled my eyes as I tucked my hand under my pillow, boosting it up, my body facing the left side of the room, allowing me the access to mindlessly stare outside the closed window.

A soft sigh escaped my lips as I watched as cars drove by. Being on the second ground of the apartment building had its perks, like the decent view of racing cars through busy streets at night, the drivers behind those cars all driving on the same path but all headed to different places.

A sad smile curled onto my lips.

I never did learn how to drive a car. I couldn't really blame anyone other than myself, honestly. I had a few opportunities years ago, but I never took them up, mostly because getting a licence wasn't my first priority. But now as I thought about how easy and smooth my life would be if I were able to drive, I couldn't help but wish I could drive.