Miracles | Lams | Hamilton

Rough Waters

(I'M BAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!! This is so late it's sad, but oh well here it is!)

<John's POV>

  "I brought my phone if you wanna watch something." After I had changed, I sat down next to Alex on my cot. "Well, I was thinking we could just... talk." I smiled. "Oh... Alright." Alex turned towards me, looking deep into my eyes. I could tell something was bothering him. "Anything on your mind?" He adverted his eyes, and focused on his hands.

  "Yes, actually... but.... uh..." He stumbled with his words, and I could see this was hard for him. "C-Can we... er... talk about it later?" He hunched his shoulders, forming a weak smile. "Of course. No pressure. I'll start first, then."

  We talked for what seemed like years, but I loved every second of it. I changed my female products a couple times, which was... stressful... but Alex helped me through it. After a while, I started to lose inspiration.

  "What is your favorite color?" "Seriously, my favorite color?" He laughed. "Yes!" I smiled at him, cherishing the moment. "Mmmm... green, probably." "Cool! Now you ask me a question!" I said, anticipating for him to use the same question on me.

"What is one of your best memories?" He looked at the ground, then at me. "Ooo.... that's a good one. Probably my first "date". It wasn't really a date, since neither of us were attracted to the other, so I say date for lack of a better word. We went to the lake and just swam the whole day. It was the first time I got to be myself without fear of anyone else judging me..." I smiled at the memory, only snapping back to reality when Alex spoke.

  "It sounds like you really like him." He wrung his hands like he had put hand sanitizer on them. "Liked. He didn't approve of me being tr..." Oh no. No I did not. No no no no noooo. Deep breath, deep breath. Don't panic. Maybe he didn't hear that last part. Don't. Panic.

  "You being what?" He looked at me curiously. PANIC. DEFINITELY PAINC. YES PANIC. COVER IT UP WITH GAY! "Me being gay. I hope it's okay with you, I.... I can't lose someone else."

  I watch as the color drains from his face. He can't even look me in the eye. "Of course, it's fine. I, myself, am Bisexual." He says with a half smile. He's putting on a happy face, but his eyes say everything I need to hear. Trust me, I'd know.

  Instead of prying, I rest my head on his shoulder. I change positions until it's comfortable. Eventually, my face is buried in the crook of his neck. I don't know if it was for my consolation or his, but I wrapped my arms around him. I looked out of the tent door, which had a small crack in it. It was dark, and I mean dark. Had we really talked the whole day?

  Suddenly, I felt something wet on my shoulder. Alex had buried his head into my neck, and I assumed these were tears. I hugged him tighter, not even caring if my chest was touching his. I don't know what this means... are we still friends?

  He suddenly lurches from me, jumping off of the cot. I was correct, there were tears in his eyes. His face a red and his eyes looked devastated. "Then tell me..." his voice cracked and wavered so much, I was surprised he could talk at all. "Why d-d-did you..." He paced around the room, not end bothering to look at me.

  I felt myself curl into a ball. I slowly rocked myself back and forth, trying to distract myself from what I had done. "You're.... but... but you kissed me!" He finally looked me in the eye, in which there was the tiniest most absurd light of hope in his eyes. I can't let him know, not yet. He looks destroyed enough... had I really meant that much to him?

  "Y-You don't...?" I looked at the floor. Not yet. Not. Yet. He wiped off his face, and his eyes suddenly look less distraught, and more vacant. He over enunciated his words. "Have a good rest of your night, Miss Jane.", saying the last part loud enough for the entire camp to hear. And then he left, without another word.