For Greater Things (An LOTR Fanfiction)

chapter 33

    
     Two days after the battle I had woken in a tent. The sun was glowing through the soft yellowed fabric and the wind was rustling the canvas. I felt more energized and like my mind had finally started to heal, if only but a little. There was no longer any dark presence or feelings, only complete guilt now remained. Every time I closed my eyes I could see each man I killed on that battfield. Their darkened eyes and bloodied bodies lay all around me, and blood dripped from my hands and face. Even some of the orcs I had killed in rage haunted my memories. But Legolas and the others had been completely supportive, especially Legolas. Every time I woke after a night of hellish sleep, he would be there by my side to wipe my tears and soothe my ragged nerves. I don't think he ever slept. He was always awake by my side when I would open my eyes. I was grateful for him, but I did not deserve his kindness or affection. My soul and mind had been tainted by the Dark One, and would never be the same.

"Andriel."

I turned from putting on my boots to see Legolas in the doorway of our tent. The sun was rising behind him, making him glow and seem as if he had been sent from the Valar themselves.  Unwillingly, a feeling of absolute disgust with myself and dread settled over me.  I was not worthy to have such a being show me so much care. 

"Are you ready? Aragorn wants to head out within half an hour."

I nodded and returned to straightening my boots and clasping my belt around my waist. My heart felt especially heavy today, and it also made my body feel weak.

I stood and looked for anything else that belonged to me. But all I had were the clothes on my back, and even then they were not even my own. I stood in front of him, waiting for him to move out of the doorway, but he only stood there. He stared at me, studying me with a hooded gaze. I sighed in aggravation. Yes, I was a little unstable mentally at the moment, but I was not going to fall apart... yet. I looked up into his eyes and tried to smile, but I knew it was a poor excuse for a smile. He finally relaxed and gently steered me out of the tent into the crisp morning air. I tried desperately to not flinch away from his grasp, as I had been doing at night when he would wake me from my nightmares. Spring was on our doorstep, and I could smell the refreshing rain on the wind.  It helped slightly to lift my spirits, but I still felt weighed down.  Every step we took was as if I had weights tied to my ankles slowing me down.

Men bustled all around us, taking down tents and loading horses and carts. Excitement was almost palpable in the air as they prepared to return home. I even heard some of the men singing as they worked. The sound of yelling and the pounding of hooves was heard all around, and I studied everything to keep my mind away from my own thoughts. We dodged through the throng of people and made our way to Aragorn and the others. Aragorn had been in often to see me while I was in bed, bringing me food along with Pippin, and often Gimli visited me as well. They stood talking with the Rohiran warrior, who I now remembered as Eomer and learned now king of Rohan, but they turned as soon as we approached.

"Ah, Andriel," Aragorn greeted warmly. I smiled in courtesy and bowed lightly to the soon to be king. He waved it off nonchalantly and took one of my hands in his affectionately. "You may not remember it all, but we have been friends for too long for you to bow to me."

Awkwardly I nodded and glanced around the group. Gimli was leaning against his axe and smoking his pipe peacefully.

"We will be leaving soon to go back to Minas Tirith. I have received word from Gandalf that Frodo and Sam still live."

My head shot up, and a small glimmer of joy was renewed in my heart. "They are alive?" I asked breathlessly.

He nodded with a smile, joyful as well. "But Frodo has not awakened yet. I was told his wounds were heavy, indeed."