A Book of Dust and Breath

Chapter 33.2

She heard Delwyn explaining to someone who was, no doubt, disgusted and horrified. "She's expecting. I guess the baby doesn't like turkey."

The other woman said something about her own first pregnancy before scurrying out of the room.

Delwyn's strong certain hands were on her, cleaning her up, guiding her to the sink, the little settee in the corner, holding her, stroking her hair while she sobbed and proclaimed her life a dreadful mess. "I don't even know why he's so angry."

Delwyn fetched her a box of tissues from the counter.

A mother and daughter came in. The little girl stared at them. The mother tried to be discreet and usher her into the stall. "Why's that lady dressed like a ghost?" A hushed reply answered the child's question.

Lily blew her nose and took a calming breath. "I haven't been this emotionally unstable since puberty," she joked lamely.

"You wanted a normal Thanksgiving dinner. This is about as normal as it gets, I think. You've got family drama, the oblivious old lady, the perverted drunk uncle..."

Lily laughed in spite of herself and rested her head on Delwyn's shoulder.

"Why are you so upset, really?" Delwyn asked.

"I don't know. Max is smothering me to death since Halloween. It was a freak accident, right? But he acts like he can keep something like that from ever happening again if he just never lets me out of his sight. Like... never. He sits on the counter and talks to me while I shower for God's sake."

"He's scared to lose you, is all."

"I know. But it's not just that. He's jumpy. Weird. It's something about his work but, of course, I'm not allowed to know anything so... what?" She sat up straight and wiped her face with another tissue. "Maybe the aliens escaped from Area 51 and he's worried their coming. Maybe he's right. Maybe they're here already but I wouldn't know, would I?"

"Maybe they have and that's why he stays so close," Delwyn said. "A man like Max, he's going to do everything in his power to keep his family safe."

"I know." Lily deflated. Being sick, crying, talking, all of it left her feeling emptied out and hollow. "And what can I say? He told me from the start. I can't complain, right?"

"But that's not all," Delwyn guessed.

Lily swallowed another onslaught of tears, fearing she'd never stop them if the dam broke now. "I miss my parents. I miss California. I miss the sun."

"You're homesick."

Lily shook her head. "No. I mean, yes but, I want my baby to know my parents, you know?"

"It's OK to call them."

"Is it?" She genuinely couldn't decide if it was. Could she call and dictate a relationship on her own terms? Did family work like that?

Delwyn squeezed her hand. "Call them, Lily. Today. There's no way to know what tomorrow will bring, but you have today. Tell Max you love him and you trust him. You do, right?"

"Yeah. I really do," she answered, honestly. Even when she hated him a little for all his secrets, she loved him and she trusted him.

"Then you should tell him as much and when you're done with that, call your parents and make it right again. Human life is short and fragile, Lily. Don't let frustration fester into regret."

Lily met her friend's warm, sparkling eyes. "How'd you get so wise, eh?"

"I just listen when God whispers in my heart."

"I haven't been a great listener lately."

Delwyn helped her to her feet. "No time like the present to try again."

They returned to the dining room to find Azrael and Daniel gone and the food packed into a neat stack of Styrofoam boxes.

Max stood at their approach and pulled Lily into his arms. "Want to go home?"

She nodded against his chest.

"Alright, then. Come on."

By the time they got home she was half starved for mac and cheese so he cooked her some while she sat on the kitchen counter and shared her heart.

He dished the noodles into a bowl, handed it to her, and leaned a hip against the counter next to her.

"I'm sorry," he said, simply.

"Me, too."

"I'm new at this, you know. Today, well," he snorted and pushed his hair back from his eyes. "Today was a fair glimpse into family, as far as I've ever experienced it. Azrael, he's not my dad the way you think of a dad. I never had that, Lily. My life..."

She brushed the back of her fingers across the scratchy whiskers starting to appear on his cheeks. "I get it."

"No." He captured her hand and kissed it. "I know you try, but you don't. You can't. Azrael is my biological father but, in practice, he's like... like my commanding officer. Love takes a back seat to obedience, if love is there at all."

"I love you," she offered.

"That's why you're my miracle."

"I need to call my parents and make things right again."

He nodded. "I think that's wise," he said. "Can I ask a favor, though? It's a big one."

She ate the macaroni. Nothing had ever tasted so good. "If you keep cooking for me like this, I'll do anything you want."

"Just ask them to hold off on visits, OK? They can come when the baby is born. Or you can go there if you want, but right now..."

"You can't tell me why, though."

"No. I really can't."

Was it enough that he asked? Do I really trust him? Should I stay here and live this crazy life? She looked at his dark eyes, brimming with love and hope and couldn't imagine being anything other than his wife. Unequivocally, the answer to all three questions had to be yes.

After a second helping of mac and cheese, she called her parents. They worried about her, but she couldn't blame them. She worried, too. But they agreed to give her the space and trust she needed and for the first time in weeks, she thought maybe everything would work out just fine.