The Bad Boy and Me

8~ Elephants With STD's

"Hey guys, what does the doctor say to the elephant when he thinks he has an STD?" I ask, reading the joke on the wrapper.

"What?"

"Can you peanut in a cup...." I blanch and then crumple up the wrapper and throw it at his face.

"That was so funny I forgot to laugh." Case says sarcastically.

"How do elephants even get STD's?" I ask incredulously.

"They have se-" Ryder starts slowly, like I'm 5 years old, and I throw a shoe at him.

"I know that idiot, I mean like, is it even possible for an elephant to have an STD?"

He shrugs and says "you should look it up."

I scoff/laugh humorlessly. "No thanks. I'd rather not."

He laughs and lays back, his arms behind his head. I'm currently sprawled out on the floor, like you know, Casey is sitting criss-cross applesauce (what? I don't know what you're talking about, I'm NOT in kindergarten! What would make you think that?) flipping through a magazine she brought over. Well, she brought it like 5 months ago, but since she practically lives at my house, her stuff does too.

Ryder is laying back on my bed, which pisses me off cuz it's my bed! Not his.

Would he like it if I just went in his room and laid on his bed?

Probably, but that's not the point.

"THIS ONES FOR YOU AND ME! Living out our dreams were all right where we should be with our arms out wide and I open my eyes and now all i wanna see is a sky full of LIGHTERSSS!!!" I sing. "A SKY FULL OF LIGHTERRRSSS!!"

And then I start rapping my favorite part of Eminems rap.

"Excuse me of my head is too big for this building. And pardon me if I'm a cocky prick but you cocks are slick poppin' shit on how you flipped your life around, crock-o-shit!"

I'm now on my office chair spinning in circles.

"Who you dicks tryin to kid, flipped dicks, you the opposite."

I spin the chair with more force and belt out "I love it when in tell em to shove it-OMPH!"

I flung off my chair and on the floor, groaning about the pain, while my assholes of friends won't even help me!

Wait, hold on just a second there! Calm your tits V! He's not your friend! He's a cheeky bastard that uses girls- yea, that's him.

I internally scoff, and push myself off the ground. I'm about to call him a cheeky bastard, voicing my thoughts, but I get cut off by Casey's squeal.

"What?" I mumble, shoving another laffy taffy in my mouth.

"LOOK!" She turns the notebook to me, and I almost faint.

There he is, in his hot glory, shirtless and waking out of the beach, his hand near his head, probably about to swipe his gorgeously sexy hair out of his gorgeously sexy face.

If you know me, you would know I'm talking about Josh Hutcherson.

GAH!

"Oh my god he's so sexy! The things I would do to him MMM!" I say and eye rape him some more.

God, I'm obsessed.

Sue me.

Like seriously though, you probably should, I think this is unhealthy or something....

"What, is it a picture of me?" His stuck-up-ness says.

I scoff and reply. "No. It's the hottest guy on earth."

"There's no guy hotter than me." He says cheekily.

Jesus, why am I always calling him cheeky?

Maybe because he has perfect skin and such good jaw structure you just wanna-

Stop it! I scold my conscious.

OH MY GOD! I'm literally talking to myself! Send me to a mental facility. I'll lick the envelope.

Me and Case burst out laughing, I'm rolling around the floor sounding like a dying seal.

Curse my mom and her laughing genes.

When I sober, I shake my head and throw the magazine to him.

"Nobody, and I repeat nobody, is hotter than this yummy piece of hotness." I smirk and Casey screams "Oh! You just got OWNED! Ahaha-OW! You can't hit a girl!" she whines and rubs her arm.

"Please, he's not even that good looking."

I gasp and point to my window, and Casey shrieks "WHAT!?"

She's just as obsessed as I am.

He holds up his hands in surrender and rolls his eyes, but I jump up and knock him to the floor, climbing on him and pinning him down.

"Take it back!" I growl, because you never get in between me and Peeta- I mean, josh.

He smirks and whispers huskily in my ear "this is a compromising position."

I roll my eyes and knee him in the nuts, not too hard, but hard enough.

His faces twists with pain and he mutters a string of curses under his breath.

"Take it back."

"Never!"

"Take. It. Back!"

"Oh em gee! I'll get the popcorn!!" Squeals Casey and she runs down the stairs.

I press harder onto his downstairs area, and he grunts, but not in pain.

My neck and cheeks tint red and he smirks. "Get off me."

"Haha yeah no!" I frown. if any girl sat in this position he'll be jumping her bones.

GAH, why the fudge doodles does that piss me off?!?!

I knee him in the nuts another time, and he groans, in pain this time.

"That must have hurt your hard-on." I say, on the verge of laughing.

He scowls and struggles to get me off of him, but I don't budge.

THANK THE LORD FOR CALORIES! This is when weight comes in handy.

"Take it back or else...." I say slowly and he rolls his eyes, stopping his struggling.

"You won't do anything to m-OW! Jesus what the-did...did you just bite my shoulder?" He guffaws.

This time, I roll my eyes. "No, I rode a giraffe. What does it look like?!"

He smirks and looks me in the eyes. "It looks pretty questioning to me. You know, with you straddling me and all."

Dontblushdontblushdontblush GOD DAMMIT!

"OOOHH, sexy! I'm serious, guys, just make out already. Wait no, Ryder, break up with your girlfriend first. Nobody likes cheaters. They start with one, end with two, and leave alone." Casey says from the doorway, with a bucket of popcorn.

"SEE! I told you doofus!" I say, and then smirk. I rub my knee in circles on his little buddy, and he groans, but then I leap up and laugh hysterically at the guy on the floor.

Lust, aggravation, anger, and something else I can't put my finger on are crossing his eyes.

He looks so sexy all angry.

no, stop it!

But you don't wanna. I internally groan.

Fml.

Ftw.

Fje.

Hey!! This chapter is really short, just cuz it is. Did I get you flustered?? ;) *wink wink*

And, btw, it's fuck my life, fuck the world, fuck just everything.

Pleasseeeee comment!!! I want you guys to comment!

And vote.

Stay weird people!!!