Fight for me (Completed)

Chapter 3

Author's notes:

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Dedicated to  astridjaneray Her book Virtue and Vanity is one of my favorites

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I caress the cold and smooth metal as I trace the knife with my finger. I slowly rap my fingers around the plastic handle and lift it to examine it closely. The blade catches another ray of sunlight and makes a glare on the wall. When I was a little kid, it made me so happy to spot these glares. It was magical back then. I smile at the memory. With the tiny smile still placed on my lips, I bring the knife to my wrist, to the same spot where I have the scar. I feel the sharp edges touch my skin. I am not scared. I am at peace. It feels strange, this calmness. Everything around me stills except my hand that is moving to make the cut.

As I lift it up to make a split, I hear the doorbell ring. The sound breaks my trans and I drop the knife and step back until my back hits the wall. I am not sure what I was doing? How did I get here? Last thing I remember was crashing on my couch. I am confused. I start trembling unable to remember. Was I sleeping? Was I sleep-walking? Was I aware? If so, How could I do that? How can I be so selfish? How can I leave my mother? What would have happened to her?

Someone rings the bell again and knocks loudly. I swallow and try to pull myself together. I tie my rope and walk to the door and just as I lift my hands to unlock, I recall the night before and freeze. This could be Matt. He could be here to do it all again. I start quivering involuntarily. I take small steps back away from the door. No no no. It can't happen again. I won't let it.

The knocks comes again much louder than the previous one. Whoever was on the other side of the door, must have heard me as I approached the door. They know I am hear. I look around the apartment looking for an escape. There is nowhere to go or hide. I start to panic and I feel myself choke. Just as I am about to have a full on panic attack, a voice speaks from the other side.

"Ms. Green, I am here to deliver a message from Mr. Harris. I have slipped it under your door. Please read. I will be waiting for you outside the apartment".

His voice is professional like he had been train to say just enough words to convey the message. Nothing more. Nothing less. I look down and there is an envelope with my name on it. I stare at it unable to comprehend what's happening. Am I having another episode? Is this real? Did Ethan really send me a letter?

If I am not fantasizing, what is this? More importantly why? Why now? Why today? Why when so many times things are happening? Why is he not here? Why a letter? Shouldn't he be here if he wants me back? Does he still love me? Is it an apologize? Should I forgive him? Can we forget the years or heartbreak? Can we move past what happened earlier today?

I am still staring at the envelope like it holds the key to the universe. I should pick it up and read it. Whatever was in there, it is still written by Ethan. He has made contact after so many years. It is better than nothing. I wipe my hands with the robe I am wearing and pick it up. It says "Ms. Amy Green". Not "Amy" or "Am", like he used to call me. While I open it, I tell myself not to expect anything. Especially anything romantic. After I unfold the letter, the first thing that hits me is Ethan's handwriting. The same handwriting that I found many mornings as soon as I woke up, with messages about the previous night together, about the breakfast that he cooked as I slept in, about the dates in evenings, about the little gifts, flowers or just a simple "Love you". Tears well up my eyes as memory after memory flashes. I hold back from going down the memory lane and read the letter. It says