Jungkook: The Friendly Ghost

38. Wine

It's like ignoring a huge, pink, sparkly and glittered elephant that is sitting in the middle of the living room. Sure, you can ignore it for a little while but at one point, all attention will be on it.

He doesn't say anything and honestly, I wasn't expecting him to. What can we even say to each other at this point, what can we say that wasn't already said before?

I knew he wasn't going to drop it either, so I am not surprised when I feel his arms circling around my waist, softly pushing me backwards so that I fall into him. I let him overwhelm me, both physically and mentally, hoping that even for a little while, he'll be able to block all the bad stuff.

"Baby, please," he urges me, his voice so low I wouldn't even be able to hear it if his lips weren't brushing my ear. "Please. Focus on me, on right now, on us. Forget about the bad stuff."

"I don't think I can."

"Please baby," he kisses me just below the ear, making me shiver. "Focus on me, just on me. I'm right here. Please."

I know I can't. I know I can't do it. I know that the back of my mind will not let it go but who am I to deny him? How dare I deny him?

So I don't. I don't deny him, I don't ruin this for him and when I turn around, I kiss him with all the strength, passion, care and feeling I have in me. I kiss him like it's the last time I'm ever going to kiss him.

Everything is different this time.

I don't know what has changed, I can't pin point it but it's just different.

He lifts me up as if I am feather light and he carries me to the bedroom, his lips never leaving mine.

I can feel the difference, I can see it. I can see it in the way his eyes rake over my naked body, admiring it in silence. I can feel it in the way his fingertips draw on my skin, overly gentle and soft. I can see it in his eyes as he lets them say the words that his lips cannot form, being too busy worshiping my skin.

I can feel it when our breaths mingle, deep and shaky as our bodies recover from the high they've been through, without either one of us being able to pull away from the other one.

I can't let him leave my arms. I just can't. I don't know why but the very idea of letting my arms fall to the side of my body and letting him turn away is repulsive.

So I reach for him, running my fingers through his hair as he closes his eyes and smiles, leaning into my touch. His breath still isn't quite there but he is smiling, smiling with one of his softest smiles.

I let go of his hair and touch his precious face, tracing the tips of my fingers over his cheeks, his cute, chubby cheeks, smiling when he lets out a chuckle. I take advantage of his closed eyes and move my finger across his eyelids and extremely long and defined eyelashes.

I travel downwards and cup his face, letting my thumb trace his lips, smiling as he parts him slightly and kisses the finger.

I want to remember this. I need to remember this because this, this is the exactly the moment that I need to memorize in detail because this is the moment I need remember.

This is what I will go back to when I mourn him, when I cry for him, when I accept the fact that his no longer with me.

This is the moment of happiness I need to bury deep within my heart because I know I will not have it again.

It's scary and sad but I know without a doubt that I will never be as happy as I am now.

He is a friend. He is a lover. He is mine and he is more.

"I love you."

I didn't know it, until it was suddenly right there, clear and written out right in front of me. Just as I didn't realize that I like him, I didn't realize that the emotions within me combined together make love.

Pure and utter love, love that would make me want to move the earth to keep him with me.

Love that is going to break my heart, again and again, in just a few days' time.

"I love you."

He didn't have to say it – I could see it. I could see it and I could feel it and holy fuck, I was so blind.

But it's here and its real and while I won't have it anymore, at least I have it now.

"I know. I love you too," I mumble, unable to fight the urge to say it again, over and over again while I still can.

"Thank you."

"For loving you?"

"No," he shakes his head. "For making afterlife the best part of my life."

We're nearly there :'(

I'll try to update tomorrow :(