First Love

Chapter 4

Fretzie's P.O.V

"Fretz? Can I come in?"

Mabilis kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko nang marinig ang katok ni Ate Snow. I made sure that my face is not puffy when I opened the door. Upon opening the door, I saw her worried face. I tried my best to smile to hide the pain I'm feeling right now.

"W-what brings you here, Ate? Is there something you need?" sinubukan kong pigilan ang pagka-crack ng boses ko pero nabigo ako.

Ate Snow immediately noticed it so I faked a cough. "S-sorry, masakit kasi yung lalamunan ko. Do you need anything Ate?" I saw her sigh in relief. I think I am really a great pretender. Bagay na bagay sa akin ang trabaho ko.

"No, I don't need anything. I just went to check on you, I think I heard someone crying but I guess it was just my imagination." medyo may pag-aalala parin ang tono ng boses niya. Natawa naman ako kahit pilit lang. Nakita ko naman ang pagguhit ng pagtataka sa kaniyang mukha.

"It really is your imagination Ate. No one is crying, besides why would someone cry? We are all okay right?" pilit kong pinapatunog masaya ang boses ko.

Nakita ko ang pagbuntong-hininga niya. Lumapit siya sakin at tuluyan ng pumasok sa kwarto ko. I had no choice but to follow her inside. She sat on the couch while I remained standing in front of her. We remained silent for a minute or two until she broke the ice.

"Fretz." tawag niya sa pangalan ko. "Hmm?"

"You know what's the hardest thing to do?" napataas ang kilay ko ng marinig ang tanong niya.

'Hardest thing to do?' Is there such thing?

"It is to pretend that you're okay even if you're not." nagulat man ay hindi ko pinahalata at tumawa nalamang ng peke.

"I don't get it. I don't know why are you saying this to me but I'm just fine, there's nothing to worr---" hindi ko natuloy ang dapat na sasabihin ko ng makita ang tingin niya sa akin.

Ang mga mata niya parang kinakausap ako at sinasabing naiintindihan niya ako. Sinasabi niya na alam niya kung anong ang totoong nararamdaman ko. Na kahit itago ko pa ito ay alam niya.

"And that's what you are doing right now. You're pretending that you are okay, but you're not, Fretz."

Alam niya nga, she knew it from the very start but chose to hide it to consider my feelings. Umupo ako sa tabi niya para pakinggan ang mga susunod niya pang sasabihin. Minsan lang makipag-usap ng ganito si Ate Snow dahil kadalasan ay puro masasaya ang pinag-uusapan namin. I never knew that this day would come, that she would initiate this conversation with me.

"You can fool others but not me, Fretz. You can hide your true feelings with your mask but I can see it. You can smile all you want but I can see the broken you. I can feel your brokenness, I can feel it because I've been there, and I'm still there."

Nalilito ako sa mga sinasabi ni Ate Snow. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong gusto niyang iparating sa akin. I looked at her with confusion written all over my face, she smiled, a faint one. I can see her eyes glistened.

"We are just on the same boat, all of us. We are all broken inside but trying our best to hide it. Fretz, you can share us your troubles, you can share us your pain because we are the one who will understand you the most."

It took a while for me to understand what she was trying to say but it finally dawned on me. Katulad ko rin siya, katulad ko rin sila. Pare-parehas kaming nagpapanggap na ayos lang kami kahit hindi naman.