Heart Below SubZero

Breakdown and Break-Through

Chapter 9-

SUB'S POV

I dropped the plate and walked away, not caring who saw. I was done with life. I was done with everything in existence. I walked out of the cafeteria with my head down and my teeth grit. I was too slow.

I couldn't win Sky over. Sure he had warmed up to me a little with my simple gestures, but I was just a friend.

I

Was

Just

A

Friend.

What made Ty so special? Was it his hair? His looks? Was it the fact that he had known him longer? Was it just the simple fact that I'm not good enough for him?! I try and try to impress him. I exceed in everything I do. All my life I have been on the top of things. Except this...

I showed him my strength in the Hunger Games. I showed him my kindness with that damned soup cup. I was caring to him when he was cold and he wanted to "chill" while watching Attack on Titan.

I showed him that I am much better than anyone else. Why has he not at least given me a passing glance? He's never looked at me with the awe he does when he looks at Ty.

What more does he want? What is it that Ty has that made Sky fall for him? What do I have to do to get him to love me?

As I walked through the halls I felt the fear of some recruits. They didn't want to cross my path in fear of angering me further. Was I stomping that loud? Did I show that much anger?

I didn't care. I went into my office, involuntarily slamming it shut, not aware how angry my movements were. I stood there, not knowing what to do. Why was I not good enough?!

I grabbed the potted plant on the bookshelf next to me and I threw it as hard as I could against the wall. The noise it made almost satisfied me. Almost. I kicked the same bookshelf until the wood splintered and my foot hurt.

It wasn't enough to help the growing lump in my throat. It felt to be growing larger and I couldn't breathe right. Almost how it feels when you're about to cry, but it wasn't. I wasn't going to cry. It was pure anger.

Stupid Ty. I imagined kicking him in the ribs as I kicked the chest in the corner. More splintered wood. I hated him. The frame for the chest almost broke as I kept kicking it. I hated Ty!

I almost growled as I continued kicking, not caring for the ache in my foot. Why can't he die?! Cracks became louder and I did not stop. I was blind with anger. WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?!

Finally the chest broke into a bunch of sticks and planks, dropping the few contents onto the floor. I saw the paper I had doodled on laying on the floor.

Dyes and sticks cluttered around where the chest was. I bet Sky and his new BOYFRIEND are smooching it up right about now. Not caring about me. It was all about "Skylox" wasn't it?

Skylox Skylox Skylox SKYLOX SKYLOX SKYLOX SKYLOX!

The very thought of it disgusted me! I had to do something about it. I couldn't just let Sky love someone who is just so WRONG for him!

I am to be with him. ME. I didn't hate Sky for telling Ty, I just couldn't. He was naive. Ty was slick. Whereas I am smart. And strong. I am BETTER than everybody else, Sky belongs with ME.

I gripped my head and wanted to scream. But I couldn't. This base was full of recruits and they wouldn't hesitate to barge in here if they heard me. I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself. The words Sky said echoed in my head.