Trae himself had even envisioned the day that in place of Lee, he would walk Lindy down the aisle and he would take her hand and lay it in Kurt's, the only person that he trusted to love his sister to the fullest . . .
"You sound like hell Lindy. I'm going to drive to Seattle tonight. I don't want you to be alone in that apartment."
"Don't come here," Lindy insisted. "I want to be anywhere but here right now. I'll come to you."
It was true. The ghost of she and Kurt's relationship seemed to hang in the air like a fog. The apartment was chock full of too many recollections of their happier times. She would never sleep with them suspended over her like a thousand knives waiting to pierce her with the reminder that he was gone.
"Yeah, of course. Come now, if you want."
"Do you care if I stay for a few days? I just really don't want to have to come back here."
"Linds, you can stay as long as you want. You're my baby sister. I'll do anything for you."
Lindy felt a swell of relief, but it was immediately put out when she remembered that Trae lived with Allie. She thought of herself as a bother, barging in on them when they had their own lives to live. She and her brother were no longer teenagers. She couldn't use him as a crutch anymore.
"Never mind. I'll just come for the night," she said quickly.
"What? Why? It's really not an issue, Lindy, you just broke up with your damn boyfriend of over three years. You can seriously stay for however long you want."
"No," Lindy protested weakly. "You and Allie, you both need your privacy. I'm too old to expect my brother to take care of me."
"I was put on this earth to take care of you," Trae disagreed. "Mom was always telling me that above everything, I needed to look out for you."
Lindy felt more tears well in her eyes when she thought of Hannah. "You and Allie need to be happy, Trae. I'm a mess right now. I'll only bring you down."
"We are happy, Linds. You wouldn't be bringing anyone down. In fact, I . . ." Trae lingered at the end of his sentence, but changed his mind at the last minute, deciding to not to finish it.
"What?" Lindy said. "What were you going to say?"
"Don't worry about it. Just get over here, alright?"
"Trae," Lindy said seriously. "You better tell me what you were going to say or I'm going to be mad at you."
Trae sighed. "Lindy, come on, I'm not going to tell you. It's not a good time."
"It is a good time. Please tell me, take my mind off what just happened."
"I think it will make what just happened even worse, Linds."
"Is it about . . . him?" Lindy asked, unable to even utter Kurt's name. It would only make her cry again.
"No. It's about me and Allie."
Lindy hesitated. "What about you and Allie?"
Trae sighed again, this one louder and heftier than the one before it. He did not want to put his sister in anymore pain than she was already in, but he knew she would never drop the subject if he didn't admit to what he was referring to.
"I'm going to ask her to marry me. I got the ring today, actually. I was going to call you tonight and tell you."
Strangely, this news did not upset Lindy. It was more like a silver lining, an ounce of hope in her current state of grief. She could feel her hot tears pooling again, but this time they were out of happiness.
"You're going to get married, Trae," she whispered. A smile, even though it was a wobbling smile, was turning up her lips.
"I really didn't want to tell you that Lindy, I'm not trying to kill you here," Trae groaned. It would be like him to feel guilty in a time of his own joy.
"No," Lindy said, her voice rising with exhilaration, a temporary band-aid for her pain. "I'm so happy for you. I can't believe it. My brother is going to get married!"
"Well, I can't get married without you there. So can you please just get to Aberdeen safely without wrecking your car, or something crazy like that?"
Lindy laughed a little. Just the motion of her chest rising and falling hurt. She jerked a little when she thought of Kurt walking out the door again — she'd have to stop allowing that image to replay in her mind.
"Yeah. I can do that."
She wiped her hand under her nose, feeling a tiny bit lighter inside knowing she would be with her brother in only a few hours. Her soon to be engaged brother.
"Are you going to be alright Linds?" Trae asked cautiously. He knew Lindy was strong. She had survived the loss of their mother and the abuse of their father her whole life and had still turned out great, a constant beacon of light in his life that he cherished. He wanted to see her get through the loss of Kurt, even if it meant lots of passing time.
Lindy took one last look around the apartment, finally noticing that Kurt had left the majority of his art and trinkets behind. She was able to examine them without having to quickly look away. More than anything, she wanted to be able to look back on the past and not feel anguish. She wanted to grow from him. And more than anything, she did not want to forget Kurt. But she did want to be happy.
She lifted her free hand, feeling around at her wrist for the thinly woven cords of her K bracelet. She touched it gently.
"Yeah," she finally said. "Yeah, I think I'm going to be okay."
END OF PART 1
[ holy ballsack, how have i written 40 chapters worth of kurt and lindy?! sorry if i've crushed you guys to tiny bits, but pls stick around because i promise things will get better! you guys are the best, now let's get on with 40 more chapters, shall we? ]
forty.
Start from the beginning
