The Ascendant

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I arrived at the office for 7.20 but Mike was already sat working at his computer, a mug of coffee on the go.

‘You’ll probably want to grab a drink before we get started,’ said Mike, and I was grateful for the opportunity of a pick-me-up. It had been a late night. The revision book took some digesting, or at least the sections which I'd managed to read did. Mike was right: these were not techniques which could be learned without constant application, so after a good deal of head scratching I reverted to my notes, reminding myself of what I had been told, and what I had to learn pretty damned quick.

I didn’t get to bed until two-thirty, and even then I had been unable to sleep. I must have dropped off in the end because the alarm clock woke me just under an hour ago, but after yesterday’s turmoil and information onslaught my brains felt composed of much the same molecular quality of scrambled eggs. Two scoops of coffee would not alleviate that problem, but they should offer a much needed booster.

I sat next to Mike and assumed my eager manner, waiting patiently for him to share his wealth of knowledge.

‘OK, Ben, I’ve got a meeting with Nigel Smith of Chambers Benjamin and Bartlett at nine-thirty so let me put you in the picture. They're one of our biggest clients, probably contributing thirty, thirty five percent of our portfolio. That represents a highly significant amount of business to us, Ben, and it is critically important that we keep them informed and keep them happy. We need to maintain excellent one-to-one relationships with all of our client contacts, and Nigel Smith is not the easiest client to deal with or satisfy. It’s not enough just to turn up with a bunch of stats rolled up under your arm and tell him what a great job we’re all doing. It’s a little more complicated than that.’

I was too weary to sigh anyway.

‘Nigel is a wily, slippery character, and he loves to find fault in our performance, whether it’s a minute error in one of the weekly reports we send him or the ambience not being right in some gratuitously expensive restaurant we’ve just taken him to. Basically, the blokes a bit of a cunt, but he’s a very clever cunt and an extremely important cunt.’

I nodded along, as caffeine and fear eradicated any lingering tiredness.

‘There are a few things to remember when you’re dealing with Nigel on a general level, and a few others specific to today. I’ll run through today’s first of all.’

‘Most importantly, let me do the talking. I have a lot of experience in dealing with Nigel, and I’ve become used to the nuances of his deviousness and, at times, callousness; so I’ll be familiar with some of his loaded questions. That’s probably the most important thing to remember for today. I’ll introduce you as the new account manager for North London, and say that you’re only sitting in on a look and listen basis. Don’t be offended if I speak over you, just think of it as me taking responsibility, the baton holder if you like. Are you with me so far?’

‘I think so.’

‘You think so or you know so Ben? You have to become more decisive and quickly too.’

‘I know so. Yeah, I’m with you Mike, every step of the way.’

‘Good. Now then, as I say, Nigel is a Shark and he will attack if you show any sign of weakness whatsoever. An unconfident manner, unclear speech, shabby appearance, anything like that. You look fine, just make sure you don’t allow him to intimidate you, and make sure you don’t clip your speech. Or should I say do not clip your speech. Nigel’s a public school old boy, very posh, proper and old fashioned. Do not give him a chance to think of you as unworthy.’

‘I will not.’

‘That is good! I am just telling you this now because you never know how he will greet you. Sometimes he can be arrogant and dismissive, other times he can be utterly charming, the most graceful man you could wish to meet. But he is always a shark, a smooth devourer.’

With every passing moment I found myself further out of my depth. From my calamitous attempt to start the car to this impending meeting with Caligula, the undercurrents had become stronger and stronger, constantly threatening to pull me under. If one trial wouldn’t do for me then surely the very next one would. As Hobbs said, it’s sink or swim. He didn’t mention anything about treading water, presumably because it was not the way to survive.

We finished our coffees and Mike started to work through some statistics he had prepared, ensuring they were all correct, and he explained the significance of every field and category.

Mike suggested we start to make our way over to the offices of Chambers Benjamin and Bartlett. It was 8.40 and he didn’t want to risk any delays on the Underground. So over we headed across the road to Mornington Crescent station and bought return tickets to Holborn among the movers, shakers and masses of demoralised clerks.