dark

two

Following him wasn't very exciting or informative. Nothing really happened, Ryan wasn't lying when he said he was gonna go on a walk. Once they got back, they had a show in two hours, so the four boys left to go to the venue. It's now two days later. Ryan remains silent as they get ready for another show, as usual. This time Brendon watches it all. The way he zones out, the way he occasionally looks down and fiddles with his sleeves, the way he blinks tiredly. His eyes are dark, he hasn't slept in three days. Maybe he could die from sleep deprivation. That'll be a miracle for him.

"Ryan, you feeling alright?" Spencer asks, noticing him swaying slightly. He nods.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he says. Brendon looks at him, but they are called on stage, so they go on.

Ryan fell in love during the Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour when Brendon kissed him. He always had to hold back a moan when he kissed his neck. It all built up and he realized during their final show when he found himself leaning forward to kiss Brendon back. That was the moment he let it all hit, watching Brendon smile and walk off. That's when he realized he was in love.

Though, through this performance, Ryan pretends everything's fine and performs as usual. Tragic that now he looks forward to when the shows end.

He hardly hears himself when he sings or harmonizes with Brendon, but everyone else does. It's the hologram part now. In reality, though, he's going deeper into the dark waves, starting to sink all the way to the bottom. The final song ends and he leans down, putting his guitar on a stand. He stands and stumbles, and Spencer notices. 

Spencer calls out for Brendon. Brendon turns, then looks where Spencer is pointing. Ryan falls, passing out immediately, and Brendon rushes up to him. Spencer and Jon rush over soon, Brendon and Spencer bringing Ryan off stage so Spencer can pick him up.

"What happened?" Jon asks.

"He just passed out, I-... I don't know," Spencer says. They hurry to the hotel, somehow avoiding fans before they even come outside, and Spencer says he will get Ryan from there.

Brendon and Jon go to their room once Spencer lays Ryan on the bed.

"Ryan, can you hear me?" Spencer asks carefully, gently shaking Ryan. He makes a small noise. The room is hot so Spencer begins to take off Ryan's shirt and vest. He slides them off, then freezes when he notices the bandages. He frowns slightly. They look old, like he hasn't changed them whatsoever since he put them on. 

Spencer stands and walks to the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth, a roll of bandages, two Band-Aid's, and wets down the washcloth.

He walks back to Ryan and sits down next to his hips, gently grabbing Ryan's hand. Ryan is breathing slowly. Spencer begins to unwrap his arm, frowning more as he sees blood almost formed in lines. When he reveals part of the cuts, Spencer's eyes widen, his heart sinks, his skin pales, and he feels his heart shatter.

"No..." He whispers in a broken voice. He looks at Ryan, tears forming in his eyes. Ryan's still asleep. His eyes are dark and his skin is pale. He cuts. He cuts himself, and that hurts Spencer more than anything in the whole world.

He reveals the rest of his cuts, heart breaking more and more when he sees how much cuts there are. Spencer carefully cleans Ryan's arms with the wash cloth, bandages them up again, and uses the Band-Aid's to keep it all in place. He throws everything away and puts the washcloth by the sink. He leans against the counter, body shaking very slightly.