Just A Casual Nose Bleed (A Hemlock Grove/Roman Godfrey Fanfiction)

Chapter 9 - Manic Minds

A/N: This chapter is going to be in Roman's POV. Don't worry if you get a bit lost. I'm throwing you guys right inside his head and everything will be explained... eventually. Sorry, it took so long I didn't finish it before I went on holiday and then I went back to school, sorry... Please don't kill me.

Slamming my bedroom door shut, I fall onto my bed backwards and let out a groan. Cortelia has just left and the same, strange emptiness fills me again. This happens every time she isn't around. If it was any other girl I would have fucked her and left already, but Cortelia is something else completely. She pulls out this other side of me that I thought never existed around any other person than Shelly. She's like a magnet and no matter how hard I try I can't pull away. Whenever she is around I can see my steel walls crumbling to the ground and her skipping through the shattered remains. 

Just then, her piercing, mesmeric sapphire eyes appear behind my closed ones and I let out a shriek before kicking the foot of my bed, vigorously. Sitting up, I hastily run my hands through my hair and open my eyes. Every time I see her I instruct myself to remain cold and impassive as always, but it never works. From the moment I hear her voice, see her face, and hold her hand it's impossible. I feel absolutely helpless the majority of the time, but for some anonymous reason I love it. Again and again, I become bewitched by her and admittedly several times I've nearly lost control. 

What am I thinking?

I'd never be worried about losing control or taking it this slow with any other girl. I'd never bring a girl home either. But she's just like a beautiful porcelain doll. Fragile, delicate and perfect beyond belief. And I gotta have her. I'm addicted to her like cocaine. 

No, it's worse than that.

I'm not used to this and it's extremely bewildering. I've been trapped in a deep, dark abyss without a torch light to find my way and all I can hear is her voice. With her I'm swimming in uncharted waters and on one hand I love it and would die for her, but in the same respect that scares the shit out of me.

What has she done to me?

I'm nearly tearing my hair out as a result of this. Is this what a relationship is supposed to be like? I don't know. I've only ever been the type that fucks a girl and then is done with her and I'm freaking out. Which way is right? Which way is wrong?

I seriously don't know.

Letting out another groan, I kick the foot of my bed once more and punch the mattress. I shouldn't be getting this stressed. She's just a girl. Roman, calm down. Get your head in the game. You fuck her and then you leave, easy and simple

But I don't want to hurt her.

She's so fragile. I don't want to be the one to break her heart into a million pieces. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want to marry her eventually and I've never entertained the thought of marriage. Marriage only ties you down, Roman. Shut up. But I'd happily be tied to her, if it meant being with her at every moment of every day, beside her.

Just then a knock on the door interrupts my reverie. I let out a sigh and straighten myself, before walking to the door.

"What do you wan-" I stop mid-sentence as my eyes land on her, Cortelia. A warmth steadily spreads through my chest when I gaze at her beautiful brown, curly locks and brilliant blue eyes, causing a smile to spread itself across my face.

"Um, I left my pencil case here" She smiles shyly up at me and my stomach flips. Her fingers are nervously fiddling with the material of my grey cardigan that she is wearing.

"Okay, come in" I reply blandly, opening the door. I step back and throw my hands into my back pockets. My cheeks heat up slightly when I realise that if she hadn't knocked she would've walked in on me having a break down. I shake it off and watch her as she walks over to my desk and sorts through a couple of papers before she finds her pencil case. With a triumphant smile; she holds the blue, fluffy pencil case in her hand. She looks up at me and her smile widens.

"Thanks" She mumbles. Her feet shuffle awkwardly and her hands start to play with the zipper on the pencil case. As casually as I can I walk over to her. My heart racing in my chest and my fingers craving to touch her. I bite my lip when I stop in front of her and smile down at her.

Her feet and hands cease movement as she looks up at me. Her azure eyes stare straight back at me and my hand absentmindedly moves up to rest on her cheek. Lazily; it glides down and it lightly brushes over Cortelia's lips causing her eyelids to flutter closed, and her to release an unhurried exhale. I can't stop myself. I have to tell her. 

Now.

"I love you" My lips move of their own accord, unvoluntarily. But the words feel right in some strange way and I gaze down at her, coming to realise that I do love her. For the first time in my life, I've let someone in and it may be painful at first, but I am willing to go to hell and back for her. Her eyes snap open, upon hearing the words and her smile widens.

"I love you too, Roman" She continues to smile and wraps her arms around my torso, tightly. My arms automatically encase her and hold her close to me. 

"I love you more" I whisper into her ear. Surprisingly, it still feels right to say those words and this causes a smile to spread across my face. She pulls back minimally and smiles at me, before leaning up and pressing her soft, delicate lips to mine. My arms tighten around her as I am transported to another world completely, where only she and I exist. I close my eyelids and I as do firework explode passionately behind them when our lips begin to move. I feel like I'm floating with her.

Untouchable.

Invincible.

Together.

That's how I feel every time I am around her. Her presence alone makes me feel like we are the only two people left in existence and I'm quite happy with that. I can feel my icy heart begin to defrost and warmth courses through my veins. I've found my place in this world.

Beside her, always.