Lie to Myself

Just Tonight

Zacky's POV

 I woke up, and for a slight second I thought that Brian was still mine but soon pain and hurt have taken over my mind and all I felt again was numb and loneliness. I felt the need to cry all over again, not wanting to move from my bed. But I heard a knock at my door that made me stop crying. I look at the clock on my night stand, 1 PM. I'm the one being lazy here. I got up from the bed putting jeans and t-shirt then I went to my bathroom to wash my face with some water. I grab a towel and wipe my face, I look at myself in the mirror, looking at the man I didn't recognize in the reflection that was supposed to be mine. The one I saw had a terrified and weak look in his eyes, it wasn't the Zacky Vengeance I use to know, the one that is strong and doesn't let anyone hurt him. He is probably gone far, he ran away from all this hurt that made me so weak.  

I grab the last little strength I had, to go and open the door down stairs, I was so scared of who it might be.  I unlock the door and before I open it, I took a deep breath. I open it to reveal Brian. The one that had made me this way, he had a sorry smile on his face with a bouquet of red roses in hand. Like he always did when he was sorry. I grab the roses not even looking into his eyes. "It'll take much more than fucking flowers this time Brian" I said turning away from him, putting the roses on the coffee table as I sit on the couch. I hear Brian sigh and close the door gently behind him as he made his way in the living room, he stand there looking confused. "I'm sorry Zacky" He mumble. "Yeah like always, but you killed Zacky Vengeance this time, I'm only the weak Zachary Baker that was getting bullied in high school" I told him as it pinch my heart saying those words. But they were true. "No Zacky, I know that he is still here, he is not dead! He just need to heal, and I want to heal the pain I cause you" He said as he walk to me and kneel down on his knees looking at me. I dare to watch his eyes, they were a deeper shades of brown than usual. I could see that he was really hurt. "Just tell me why Brian?" I mumble to him as I felt tears rushing back to me. I didn't want Brian this close to me but I couldn't move away from him either.  He put his head down at my question. "It's my mom. She told me that I would hurt all the ones I love in the end and it's the last thing I wanted, to hurt you. I just blindly believed her and I'm still scared to hurt you and I think that you deserve so much better than me Zacky" Brian said, I could hear his voice cracking as he spoke. -That fucking bitch- I told myself.  I kneel down in front of him not touching him thought. "Brian, you are the best thing that ever happened to me" That's the only thing that I could say before the tears rush down my face once again. "What have I done to you Zacky?" He said as tears ran down his face too. "Would you let me make it up to you? Would you give me a chance?" Brian ask me as our tearing eyes meet. "Just tonight" I answer. I can't go on this way but I need him so much, emotions were all over the place. Brian cup my face in his large hands and wiped away the tears. He force a smile on his face, "From now on, as much as I can and as long as you let me be with you. I want to make you happy Zacky" This made me smile slightly. "I don't want to go out" I told him, restraining his idea of date. 

He nob and look around the house, "Then I'll cook you something" Brian smiled as he take my hands and drag us up on our feet. He sit me on the couch putting cushion and blankets over me, and putting a movie in. I didn't know which one it was. I hear him take the phone and talk on the phone, I didn't really question myself all I was thinking about was if we should get back together or not. My thoughts were cut when I hear the doorbell ring, Brian didn't say a word and open the door and close it not long after to come back in the living room with a pizza and drinks, I laugh out loud. "You know that I suck at cooking so I didn't took any chances and order the one that you always order" Brian said with a smile as he open the carton box. It was a two side flavor pizza, one side was covered with different meat and the other with extra cheese, my favorite one. I would always order that one because Brian likes it when there is a lot of meat and I like it with more cheese. Before, Brian would only order a pizza with the flavour he wanted because he would think only for him, but tonight was different, he actually thought for the both of us and it made me smile so brightly.  

He sat down beside me as he started the movie, which was the first movie we saw together on our first date.  Indiana Jones 3. I couldn't believe that he remembered all those little details about our relation ship. But I was scared that he would broke up with me again, too scared to jump on him and kiss him, too scared to feel that huge pain again. I push those thoughts away and started to listen to the movie and eat. Brian and I were both sitting on the couch but we weren't siting close to each other, which made me happy because I couldn't resist to his touch. 

After the movie there was an awkward silence between us, but before I could think of something to say Brian started to speak, "Zacky, I-I want to come back with you. I need you" Is sudden words had me surprise. What should I answer to the man who cause so much pain but even more joy to me? I sigh, "Just tonight" I answer with a little smile on the corner of my lips as I look at Brian smiling brightly.  I had to do something else because my mind started to rush back to thoughts -he will hurt you again, you can't trust him-   While my heart was screaming -he loves you, look at what he did tonight, you love him Zacky-  So I got up from the couch and grab all the dishes and went to the kitchen to threw it all in the garbage and I took the plates into the sink to wash them, as I was hands down in the sink washing the dishes, two hands made their way around me, but it wasn't like usual. Brian's hands were shaking. Did I cause him so much stress? I ask myself.  I put my wet hands on his as I hear him sigh silently. I turn around and face his beautiful brown eyes that I missed so much. Without realizing what was going on we both lean into each other making our lips touch for the first time in a while. It made me feel good to find his soft thin lips again, it felt like my heart started to beat once again.  He pull me even closer to his body, deepening the kiss as his tongue lick my bottom lip, that I agreed. After a moment I pulled away, reaching for air, I then grab Brian's hand in mine and ran up the stairs with him following me. We arrive in the dark place that I call my room, and I turn to look at Brian. "I just want to sleep with you, only tonight" I say to Brian as he nob, we both enter in the bed fully clothes, I was already tired from all the emotions that were crossing my mind and I guess Brian felt the same. We got in bed and Brian put the covers over our bodies as he spoon cuddle me, feeling his arms around my body as I place my hand on top of his was just feeling so right! As his heart beat on my back, I could feel his hot breath in the back of my neck. "Zacky, why do you say just tonight?" Brian ask in a small voice, he seem tired but it was mix with worried. I didn't turn to face him, I couldn't tell him this while looking into his eyes. "Because after we'll have to move on. This relationship is hurting the both of us and even our best friends" I told him as a silent tear fell off of my eye. I just heard him sigh and I tried to think of something else and just enjoy his presence as he is still there.