Lie to Myself

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Zacky's POV

It's been two weeks now that my boyfriend and I had broke up. Brian had broke up with me for God knows why! I was still crying over him, and I think I will never get trough this break up. Brian was the love of my life! I'm sure that there is something wrong with him because he said he loved me too! but that he couldn't stay with me. This couldn't be real! I must be in a fucking nightmare! Somebody, wake me up! WAKE ME UP!

I was laying in my bed again, I didn't had any strength to eat or to leave this place that is my bedroom. I didn't even had enough motivation to play guitar! I mean, it's the thing that I know the best! It's something that would always get shit out of my mind. But just looking at it made my heart flinch and tears run down my cheek. Brian use to play with me, we were making such a great duo! Everybody was telling us! Why did he broke everything that we had? Why! Shit I just want to know why!

Then I heard the front door of my house open, "Zacky? Where are you?" I hear Matt yell from down stairs. "Up here!" I yell back trying to sound as strong as possible as I swapped the tears away before Matt enter my room. When Matt did he looked at me horrified, "Zacky, when have you last eat, or even fucking sleep?" Matt said looking at me and at my messy room, I had to say that it never been this messy before. "I don't know Matt, I fucking don't know" I told him glancing down at my hands so I didn't have to stare into his eyes that were on me. Matt swapped his feet on the floor and sat down next to me on the edge of the bed. He looked at me with sorry eyes. "Look Zacky, the guys and I are really worried for you, you haven't answer any of our text or call and by your look you haven't take care of yourself." Matt told me. "I just can't Matt, I can't" I told him feeling the tears rush back in my eyes. "Hey! Now you listen! You are stronger than that and I know! I've already seen you down but you always back yourself up and become stronger! Why would this time be different?" Matt ask, you could hear worried and anger in his voice. "This time is different because it's Brian! The one that I wanted to live my life with! That's fucking why I'm fucking depressed!" I yell back at Matt with anger and pain in my eyes before crying in my hands again. Matt put a hand on my back as he pull me in a hug to comfort me as best as he could.

After a while, that my eyes stopped crying because I didn't have enough energy or water in me to keep crying, I pulled out of Matt's hug. "Now get a shower, it be good for you, relax okay? While I'll prepare us something to eat" Matt told me on a sweet and carrying tone. I nob and for the first time in a while I would get out of bed and go take a hot ass shower.

I enter the shower, I stood awkwardly in the shower and not long after the hot water hit my skin making me feel relax, the tension in my muscles started to fade as my mind started to run away, thinking of nothing. Something that I didn't do in so long. After a good 15 minutes standing there and washing myself, I got out of the shower and then glance at the mirror. Huge mistake Zacky. I look at my body, weak, pale and ugly. That's all I could think to describe my look. My eyes were puffy and red from all the tears I've cried, they were surrounded by a dark color like if someone had hit me. My lips were chapped from none drinking water, I was disgust by my pale sick skin. No doubt Brian left me. At that thought, nothing could stop me from hating myself. It was all of my fault if my love ran away from me! Just look how ugly I am, LOOK! I'm just a poor wreck of a guy that need his love one, but forget it already Zacky, he left you a while ago. I told myself. I couldn't even cry, I had cry too much.

I put some clothes on and got downstairs remembering Matt was there. I arrive in the kitchen smelling the scents of food that made me want to throw up. I didn't need food, a mess like me shouldn't eat at all or I'll get fat and things will only get worst. I sat at the table and Matt place a plate of eggs and bacon with some coffee as he sit down with a similar plate in front of him. I push the plate as far as I could and grab my cup of coffee. It's the only thing that I feel would stay in my stomach and not appear back in the toilet later. Matt glance a despair look at me but I ignore him. Another reason why I'm a mess, I despair people.

"Zacky, you can't go on like this" Matt said looking at me. I look down at the table, "Why not?" I answer back in a small cracked voice. Matt slam is fork on the plate making a little food to splat out as it made me jump out of my seat slightly. I look at Matt who was now standing with an angry look on his face. "Because we all care for you! Don't you see that! Fuck Zacky, it's hurting all of us when you are hurting yourself like this!" Matt yell through the calm house as I stayed silent. "Just bring me ice cream" I mumble as I look back down. Matt ran into the kitchen and came back with three kinds of different ice cream and a big spoon. "Whatever you want Zacky! As long as you go better!" I took a three color ice cream and started to eat it as I could feel Matt's nerve tense down. He must of been really nervous for me. I'll try to go better, for them, for my best friends.