down in the dm's • nomin

36.

okay just saying kun and jeno's relationship is entirely platonic in this chapter bc renkun so yall better not saY ANYTHING about it

ALSO THANKS SO MUCH FOR 20K I DO NOT DESERVE THIS
~

"jeno?" kun's sweet voice calls through the door. "can you open the door please?"

"it's open," jeno says meekly, projecting his voice as much as he can.

the door creeks open. jeno sniffles, not even bothering to try and make himself look presentable. he hasn't showered, let alone gotten dressed— he's brushed his teeth and that's it.

"hey, kiddo," kun greets him, walking in. he's called jeno this since they met and the nickname never wore off, despite jeno no longer being a kid. "how's it going?"

"how does it look like it's going?" jeno mumbles into his tear-stained pillow.

"c'mon, don't be like that."

"sorry."

"don't be," kun leans against the wall, folding his arms and peering at jeno concernedly.

the younger feels tears build up more by the second. he fights them back until kun softly whispers, "c'mere, jen'."

jeno stumbles his way out of bed and into kun's open arms, letting out choked sobs. despite kun being shorter than him, jeno feels so damn small.

in moments like this, their age difference feels much more prominent. kun has always been like jeno's big brother, he's protected him and done his best to keep him on the right path, and in spite of the countless times jeno has gone astray, kun has never given up on him.

kun gently rubs his back as he cries and jeno feels like a teen again— getting his heart broken for the very first time and kun being the only person who understood. maybe, if he listened to kun every once and a while, he would stop getting hurt.

the one similarity between jaemin and jeno's first love is that kun had warned him against both. jeno had ignored every warning, every sign, and look where he ended up.

broken.

and kun, he doesn't know if it'll be as easy to fix this time. he's never seen jeno like this, not this bad. it tears him apart, seeing his best friend and little brother figure in such a fragile state.

"i should've listened to you," jeno finally speaks, his voice muffled as he talks into kun's sweater. "both fucking times, i should've just listened to you."

"maybe," kun replies. "maybe not, though. i hate seeing you like this jeno, but i like to believe that everything happens for a reason."

"i just want to be loved, that's all. why won't anybody love me?"

kun can practically hear his own heart break when jeno speaks— the pure defeat in his voice is enough to bring kun to tears.

"you are loved, you are so loved, kid," kun tells him, tears pricking his eyes.

jeno wipes his eyes with his sweater paws, even though it does nothing to stop the flow of tears. "why do i keep falling in love with the wrong people?"

"because you see the best in everyone, even if they don't deserve it," kun says. "and neither of them deserved it."

jeno removes himself from kun's arms and pulls him to the bed. they lie down, facing each other, and kun wipes jeno's cheek lovingly. jeno is, and had always been, extremely thankful for kun's cuddliness and general touchiness. physical connection is jeno's favourite form of love and, without kun, he wouldn't have anything.

"did you sleep last night?" kun asks, running his thumbs under jeno's eyes.

"n-not very well," jeno stumbles, his voice scratchy as he recalls his dream.

"bad dream?"

"no, actually. a really good dream."

"about?"

"him. i woke up in the middle of the night and just broke down," jeno explains. "i-i was afraid to go back to sleep."

"why'd you break down, if it was a good dream?"

"because it wasn't real."