down in the dm's • nomin

42.

hi
~

"i'm an asshole. i am. if my actions a couple months weren't enough, the fact that's it's been a that long just confirms it. i'm a bad person. i say either too much or not enough, there's no in between. i mess around. i've never known security, jeno. growing up the way i did, with the people i did, safety and care and comfort were privileges. love was a privilege. if i'm being honest, i never thought i would find any of those things. i thought i was going to be lost, wandering from person to person, seeking temporary shelter forever. then i met you. you, with your contagious smile and brilliant mind and eyes i can get lost in. you— oh, for fucks sakes," jaemin chokes up, laughing while he wipes his cheeks.

"you are the closest thing to home i have ever known. you are everything to me and i was a fool to treat you as anything less. i guess i thought breaking both our hearts would be better than facing my fears."

"i didn't know what i had until it was gone, until i laid in bed at night and wanted nothing for than for you to walk through my door and hold me. until i felt lonelier than i ever had, even before we  met. i'm still learning what love is, but i know that i feel it for you. i know you make me happier than i've ever been. your lips make me feel lightheaded and when you speak i could swear you're putting me in a trance. it's like you're magical. i know that your heart is always in the right place. i know you have mine and, as long as it's with you, it's in the right place too. and i know that you are what it means when my heart wants to go home."

"as far as i am aware, that is love. i am in love with you, jeno."

the tears drip down his cheeks slowly. jeno smiles softly at him, crossing his arms over his chest to keep himself from pulling jaemin into his arms and kissing him until the world stops.

"i want you, all of you, nothing less. you are my person. i know i've hurt you, and i hope you know just how sorry i am. i've done nothing to earn it, but please, would you give me another chance to give you the love you have always deserved?"

nothing happens for a minute. heat rises to jaemin's cheeks and he opens his mouth to apologize, when jeno pulls him into a tight embrace, wrapping his arms around jaemin's waist.

"you know, you're pretty cute when you pour your heart out," jeno whispers adoringly, letting his hands rest on jaemin's hips.

jaemin rolls his eyes and links his hands behind jeno's neck. "shut up and kiss me, dork."

and for once, jeno does what he's told.

~
turns out writing is a lot easier when you're going through shit, i have like the next ten chapters done. and maybe it's because i'm really not okay but this isn't their happily ever after and there's gonna be more ups and downs

or will there?

you'll see i guess

but i promise that you get happy nomin for a while

;)