Owen

I'm Okay

Yeah, it hurt. Well what I could feel anyway.

"I'm okay." I said.

It eased the worry in her eyes a fraction. "I was so scared."

I didn't remember what happened. I had blacked out at some point. And apparently in my blacked out drunken state I dove into Drew's pool in the shallow end. A completely idiotic stunt. I was pissed at myself.

"Hey baby." Jae said, bringing my thoughts back to her. "I'm sorry I got mad about the football game."

The football game felt like a lifetime ago. So did the party. Everything did.

"It doesn't matter."

Because it didn't. Jaelyn being mad at me was such a trivial point in my life now.

                            ————————

I jammed my left elbow down, shoving it as close to underneath my back as I could. The pillow wedged behind me was driving me nuts and I just wanted to shift into a more comfortable position. Sounded easier than it was though.

"Come on." I muttered, my frustration growing.

I shoved as hard as I could, my breathing strained. All I accomplished was making the pillow fall into an even worse position.

I tried again, twisting my shoulders as much as I could to the left. My right arm was fucking useless.

I knew I could call the nurse. I actually should have called the nurse. They would have came in and had me readjusted in no time. I was being stubborn. But I was just so sick of being useless.

I felt anger boil up inside me as I strained, trying to get myself to move. My body was awkward and heavy and I hated it. I gave it one more go before I gave up. Relaxing back into the now horrendous position I had gotten myself in. Tears pricked at the back of my eyes, threatening to explode through the barrier I had built. I wanted to yell, I wanted to break something. I wanted to do anything, absolutely anything, other than be where I was.

My breathing hitched just as the door clicked. I swallowed down the sob that was on the verge of escaping, my dad appearing.

"Whoa buddy, what's going on?" He asked alarmed at how I was laying in the bed. "Trying to escape?"

He meant it to be funny. I knew he did. But I just wanted to punch him in the nose.

"The pillows pissing me off." I grumbled.

He dropped his computer bag and keys in one of the chairs, discarding his coat over the back. He was dressed in a suit, clearly coming straight from work. I was surprised it had taken him as long as it had to go back honestly, especially seems how I'd been telling him to.

"Let's get you situated. Shall we?

I let out a sigh, resigning myself to the helpless thing that I was. My dad unbutton the cuffs of his white dress shirt, rolling the sleeves to his elbows. The tattoo on his forearm shifted as his muscles flexed from the action.

"This pillow?" He asked, I nodded. "Where ya want it?"

"Up."

He tucked his arms underneath mine, pulling my body towards his chest. I could smell the pomade he used to slick his black hair back with, the same shit he'd been using my whole life.

"Alright, tell me how this feels."

He slowly helped me back down to the relief of the pillows.

"Better. Thanks."

His hand landed on my shoulder, my eye catching the glint of his wedding band. I never got why he still wore it, ten years later.

"No problem sport." He jiggled the styrofoam cup of water beside my bed, checking to see if it needed a refill. "Tell me about your day then."

"Jaelyn showed up."

"Oh yeah? Bet you were glad to see her finally."

There was too much of both. Yeah it was comforting, having her there, but she also just reminded me of what I should be like, what I should be able to do. The life I lost.

I shrugged, "yeah, she stayed a couple hours, I slept, ate, did some pt. Now you're here."

That basically summed up all my days recently.

"Is Jase coming?" I asked.

My dad took a seat finally, apparently settling in for a while as he pulled his laptop out and opened it up.

"I told him to stay home. Do you want him to come?" His forehead wrinkled, his eyebrows pinching together as he looked at me confused.

God no. I would have been fine if neither of them had shown up. I was tired of seeing the hope in their eyes every time the doctor walked in and the pity when I needed everyone's help. It made me want to puke.

"No, he needs a night off." I said instead.

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