Been Here All Along

12| woods

"Let's get this adventure started!"

I double-knot my shoe laces before I got out of the car to start another new adventure with my best friend and ex-boyfriend. Here we go.

"I still can't believe you're wearing shorts right now," Ian reprimanded me, as if he's my sergeant. Ever since we were kids, he's told me how dumb I am for wearing shorts in the woods like I do, but it's Florida, and July in Florida at that. Pants are not an option. I'll take the few cuts and bruises that come along the way.

"You literally spent the past four years wearing pants 24/7, you're used to it." As expected, Ian was in a pair of khakis and a black t-shirt. I was honestly surprised he wasn't wearing long sleeves.

"Hey, don't complain to me when you cut your leg on a branch again."

I narrowed my eyes at him for acting like he wouldn't care. He and I both know he'd carry me if I had even the slightest scratch on my leg if I asked him to.

Ian and I started through the woods, in search of a new path to explore. I think the heartache we endured was left unspoken over the fact we didn't necessarily remember which paths we've already taken because it's been so long.

"Does this look new to you?" Ian moved some leaves out of the way to reveal unfamiliar makeshift path. I nodded. We'd find out eventually if it really is new. We began pushing our way through leaves and carefully stepping to avoid soggy mud puddles. "When was the last time you were here?"

I couldn't help but frown as I recalled coming here alone everyday for an entire week. I was a mess. "I went everyday for a week after you left," I admitted.

He knew not to ask why or what I did when I came because he didn't even have to ask to know the answers to his questions.

"I'm sorry, you know? I don't think I have actually properly apologized."

I followed Ian as he stepped onto a log and started balancing on it over a small stream. It was surely a new path because we've never crossed the stream at this specific point before.

"What do you mean?" I was genuinely slightly confused.

"I left so abruptly. I should've told you I applied when I did, and I should've told you long before I did that I was leaving."

Yeah, he should've. Time was of the essence and I didn't even know. It destroyed me.

"I didn't want to worry you, Jos. You worried enough as is about me going to MIT."

Tears welled in my eyes as I got flashbacks of the day Ian told me he was leaving, the day he left, and all of the bad days to follow his departure. This is the last thing I want to be talking about, but it's too late now.

"I was going to worry anyway, Ian. And you knew that. It tore me apart watching you leave and not knowing if I'd ever see you again." Ian's back was to me, so he couldn't see me crying, but he could probably hear it in my voice. He knows me too well.

We were walking across a pre-made path along the stream we passed when Ian stopped and turned around to face me in a swift motion. He had one hand on my waist and the other on my cheek.

"But I'm here. I'm okay. It's all okay," he said softly.

I couldn't help it; as Ian's beautiful eyes bored into mine, I burst into tears. It all came out. "Are you though? You're scarred, E. You saw some crazy shit out there, how can you tell me you're okay?"

It pained him to see me like this, but he still managed a small smile. "Because, as long as I have you, I'll always be more than okay."

Ian started to close the space between our faces, and I didn't pull away.

Not until the second before our lips touched, that is. I leaped away and immediately turned my back to him.

I hate to admit it, but Kaila was right. I can't be this emotionally involved with Ian, not without reigniting old feelings I worked hard to cover up.

"I love Joel, Ian," I whispered, my back still to him. "I can't do that to him."

"I know, I'm sorry. That was stupid of me, Josie. I-It won't happen again."

"We should get home," I murmured, beginning to retrace our steps back to the car. We are in for an awkward car ride ahead of us for sure.

I almost ruined everything by kissing Ian. But I guess I still did ruin everything. I wanted to kiss him so bad, and I still do. I love Ian Miller so much that I don't know what to do with myself. And now that I've come to terms with this, I can't stay with Joel. It just wouldn't be right.

So now I'm left with a big decision to make.

Joel — my boyfriend of just over a year, who has shown interest in no other girls besides me since the moment we met that truly only wants to see me happy.

Or Ian — my first love, my ex-boyfriend that I dated for 3 years, my best friend for the better half of my life, and the light of my life.

•••

Sorry I didn't update last week, this was no where near ready. Time just got ahead of me (which happens often hehe)

I've been doing pretty great lately. I'm very happy. However, schools kinda kicking my butt, but I think I can pull it together. I hope anyway....

How is everyone else?

I have next week's chapter already written so you know it'll be on time!! I'm getting very much more excited for this story after every chapter I write... I think it will be really liked so SPREAD THE WORD! :)

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- Emily