man up; trans peter parker

nine

it was a little after lunch when peter decided he was ready, as hard as it was, he knew it was coming and he forced himself. he threw on a nice button up and a pair of black jeans, along with his rose embroidered vans.

"i wonder what type of shoes mr rogers wears?" peter thought to himself as he yanked on both sides of the laces tightening the shoes. he tied them slowly, stalling as much time as he could, because even though he didn't want to, he had to. it was time to clear out her things. steve knocked on his open door and peter whipped his head up. steve's sympathetic smile said more than words could.

"yeah, i'm coming." peter mumbled, standing up after tightening the knot in his shoe. 

they walked out to one of the many cars in the garage and began the drive in silence to aunt may's. steve tuned into the radio just so that the silence could be filled. lady in red played softly through the car speakers while steve drove the crazy streets of new york. peter looked out the window recognizing things and falling in love with the city all over again. steve rounded the corner to the apartment complex and peter could see the bodega not far down the street that he longed to go to.

"hey can you drop me off at that bodega way up there? i'll walk down i just need to pick something up." peter requested with a strong voice that he purposefully tried to drop down.

"of course, i'll unlock the apartment and get the boxes all ready." steve said passing the apartment. he drove up a bit more and pulled over to let peter stop in the bodega. steve dropped him off and started on the circle back to the apartment. peter stopped inside and took a deep inhale through his nose, smelling the spicy sweet smell of the bodega. delmar smiled as he saw peter walk in and look around.

"¡hola peter parker!" delmar shouted from across the store and behind the counter. peter grinned and sped over to the counter where delmar came around and hugged peter.

"oh peter its been so long compadre."

"yeah, it has, i've missed you delmar."

"my deepest to your aunt."

"thank you, these past few days have been harsh, i'm heading over to clear things out today, came to buy a sandwich."

"on the house today."

"oh you don't have to do that."

"of course i do, i have the need to."

"i appreciate it."

delmar went back to his place and made the usual that peter would get when he went there. he wrapped it carefully and sharpied a smiley face onto the parchment paper before handing it to peter.

"you have a good day buddy."

"thanks delmar, you too!"

peter left the store and walked along the sidewalk eating his sandwich and listening to the nerve calming sounds of new york city. the apartment complex never looked so big from the bottom looking up. he opened the glass doors and walked inside, a small memorial to may sat in the lobby, a picture frame of her in a white dress on top of a building, smiling the biggest smile peter had ever seen her wear, besides the night she passed. seemed like a ned thing, and he was right.

"steve rogers called and said you'd need some friends mate." ned's voice came from behind peter. he whipped around to see mj and ned with sympathetic smiles and an ass load of boxes.

"my mom wanted something nice made for her, so we got her that." mj explained, pulling her friend into a tight hug, peter returned her favor and then motioned for them to follow him upstairs.

"ah, be careful, these steps are like, the most uneasy things in the whole world." peter explained hanging onto the railing for dear life. they made it up to his level and peter led them down the hallway to the open door of aunt may's former apartment. the wild berry skittles candle that sat by the table at the door was burning and the old radio that lived by the large open window who housed 16 plants. peter grinned as he stepped inside, taking off his shoes. the hippy vibe of the apartment was a warm, enveloping feeling that you would get by being near may parker, and was even stronger when you were in her home.

"it still feels like she's here." peter smiled, feeling may's presence.

"yeah, it really does." ned agreed. the two boys went to peter's old room where things were neatly stacked and in precision like the way he left it.

"knock knock." steve roger's voice sounded out as he entered the room, "hey so i was thinking ned could do this room because he knows your stuff pretty well, you and i could do aunt may's and mj could work on the kitchen?"

"yeah! sounds like a plan." peter replied thankfully. he nodded to ned who nodded back. and heavy heartedly went across the hall to may's room. the room was the same as she left it before she passed and to peter that was the most eerie thing about it. besides that it was admittedly one of the most aesthetically pleasing places you would ever step foot into. although may parker was 41 years old when she passed, she had the heart of a 20 year old. a dream board was nailed to the wall above her bed with pictures of friends, family, messages and letters, magazine snippings, newspaper clips, even a few pressed flowers were pinned up. her room was illuminated by soft pink faerie lights. the tv was across from her bed set to the hgtv channel playing the property brothers which may and peter would often times watch together while eating dinner. the many memories of something as simple as a bedroom brought tears to the teens eyes while he ran his fingers across her nearly spotless dresser. he decided to start my taking the sheets off the bed and putting them in a hamper next to the tv. then he started on the dream board that made him smile, every time he would walk into her room there would be something new pinned up.

and this time, there definitely was.

an envelope was pinned to the very center with his name scrawled onto it. he unpinned it and pulled it off turning it over to see if there was anything on the other side, there wasn't. so he opened it and unfolded the paper that was inside, his hand flew up to his mouth.

my dearest peter,

this letter, my very dear peter, will not be delivered to you, unless i shall first have terminated my earthly career; to begin, as i humbly hope from redeeming grace and divine mercy, a happy immortality. you know how much i loved hamilton and rightfully so i would put the heart wrenching beginning of it into my own farewell letter to my wonderful son. i am so desperately sorry of how quickly i became ill, after the passing of my brother in law and the passing of my husband; your uncle ben, i was unbelievably melancholy to receive news that i was terminally ill with breast cancer. for three months i attempted to hide my weakness from you because i was aware of how heart broken you would have been, i did not want you to lose your aunt may. spitefully so, the cancer has ridden to my vital organs and i write this on the day that i know it is my time to redeem my earthly struggle. i am trying to write fancy please give me a break peter. i am so fortunate to have been your aunt may and your mom, i will always watch over you my sweet. please do not waste your tears and your time on the mourning of my passing but instead think of me in the little things and rejoice! for you know i am always there.

deepest regards

aunt may.