A reason for living

Save him

It's not- not something I planned. But the slight breeze of hope that's still somewhere in my mind gives me the feeling that everything's going to be fine. But- the chances are so low. How am I supposed to survive even a month longer than my doctor expects me to, even if my kidney gets ‚cleaned up'? It won't work.

It worked.

December 10th, Monday

Approximately one month has passed. Everything went too fast. Way too fast for me to even understand why I'm still alive. The protein Honjo gave me- which was a huge risk and led to me having pain and complications through this whole time- actually helped. The leukemia cells in my body have been almost completely defeated by my own immune system and the help of the medication from the hospital. The only thing that's still not there- is someone to give me their kidney. The whole PD-1 protein thing was a fucking ton of money, so I got put on the top of the list. The procedure shouldn't be worthless. There should be one good outcome, something that can actually make me hope.

„Hey bro." Kirishima enters my hospital room. I just threw up from the pills I had to take and I feel like complete shit.

„You call me bro.." I whisper smiling just a little. He walks inside with two cans in his hands. „Orange juice?" The memories.

„Thought you'd like some. It's even filtrated." He smiles, hiding his sadness, tiredness and fear.

As we all did this past month. It was horrible for everyone. Even though I survived the deadline, it wasn't something worth surviving. The pain I felt, the problems I had and still have and especially the emotions I made Kirishima feel were messing with my head, questioning if there's still a reason for fighting this hard for something so unobtainable.

„Thanks." He gives me the can and shakily, I try to reach it. It's already opened. My fingertips wrap around the cold can, slowly taking it into my palm.

„So, how do you feel?" He asks sitting down in his favorite position on the chair, drinking his coke. The can feels incredibly heavy in my hand.

„Besides barely being able to keep my eyes open and forget about the pain in my sides, I'm doing amazing sweetie." Kirishima doesn't manage to even form a fake smile. I can see how he isn't able to sleep the last days, weeks, maybe even the whole month we've been doing this. I forced him to leave my room and sleep at his own house, in his own bed, not being with me when I moan in my sleep, cough myself awake or sometimes even throw up.

„I can't."

His whisper sounds through the whole room, resounding in my ears. But both of our expressions don't change.

„Me too."

„It's- too much. I can't handle this."

My heart begins racing. What is he saying? His chin lays behind his arms on the rest of the chair, his eyes barely peaking out, looking in another direction, frowning. I don't answer him, but put the orange juice on my night desk, next to the millions of pills. Kirishima's eyes begin to look glossy.

„Katsuki. I just- I don't have a life anymore." He sniffs a little and blinks the slowly forming tears in his eyes away. Is it the end now?

„I know." The answer is too quiet, he probably didn't hear it.

„You know that I can't watch you do this day by day. I don't have anyone anymore. I can't concentrate during my lessons, I can't focus on anything except thinking what could happen to you while I'm not in the hospital. There is nothing keeping me going except the fear of losing you. And- I don't know for how much longer I can take it."