The Love Affair

Chapter Seventeen

I tried a smile. I really did but it wasn't exactly persuasive as I expected it to be when I noticed his facial features drop from content to complete concern. "Is everything---"

"---Yes," I cut in, apologising for my abruptness. "I mean—I'm just sometimes struggling with writer's block. It's taking a little toll on me. I'm writing now but I'm still having occasions of complete absence of inspiration," I lied, sighing in relief at the gift of my manipulation succeeding to convince my father's worry, as he lifted his brows in an understanding manner.

"Yeah," Nick agreed, "she's had some trouble but you're getting there, aren't you, babe?" He squeezed my hand on the table, my eyes pinpointing on his wedding band. It was like it was sparkling at that point, glistening from the overhead lighting. It was tormenting my thoughts, almost deliberately. Did it know? Did it know I cheated?

"Well, we know you well Nick, to know, you'll have her back on track too," my mother replied, smiling as she adjusted her silver charm bracelet across her thin left wrist. "So...have you two made any thoughts on children?" Her eyes smiling as she looked from me to Nick. I was bought back to the conversation.

I expected this. I had predicted this. Instead, what I hadn't predicted was Nick's immediate answer. "Well, to be honest. I've been a little distant from the topic but..." He squeezed my hand again, forcing my eyes to look into his as I held my breath. "If Rose is ready. Then I'm ready," he added, completely sucking the life out of me. I felt like I had been suddenly punctured in the lungs and the air was escaping like a burst tyre. Had I just heard that? I wasn't going crazy, was I? Nick had just confessed in front of my parents and me that he was considering children? This couldn't be right. This was all a dream. It had to be.

"Oh, that's fabulous news!" My mother exclaimed joyfully, clapping her hands together. "I thought it wouldn't be possible." I remained frozen as I felt Nick's arm snake around my shoulders. My mouth felt dry. I was feeling dizzy.

"Is that so, Rose?" I heard my father direct the question towards me.

I blinked. "I—guess," I muttered, blinking quicker as I nodded, "I mean, of course." I didn't want to disappoint my mother who was still far away in her own world swooning on the subject that her only daughter could possibly become a mother and give her grandchildren.

"Just think, Konnor. Little, tiny feet pattering around," my mother stated with glee before she pecked her husband's cheek.

Nick was smiling beside me, ravelling in the excitement before he swallowed a mouthful of his pale larger. I was still processing the whole situation. This was Nick we were talking about. My husband was never in the mood to discuss children and now suddenly he was interested. I didn't understand, nor did I feel exactly pleased by this news.

I had to consider that perhaps once before, I would have been but with the question of my marriage in ruins, I wasn't so sure that adding children to the equation could fix the problem. I know I had selfishly suggested this to Angie, but this was before I knew I was falling more and more for Shane. Shane. He instantly popped up into my mind, swarming every part making me question my sanity, everything. What would Shane think? What if Shane wants kids?

A second later, I was nudged by Nick gently. "We could decorate the spare room. Have it up and running for the baby?" he suggested. I was starting to feel claustrophobic in my own body. The room was starting to spin and with the sudden intrusion of waiters attending our table with drink refills and a large bucket of champagne resting in ice planted in the centre, I knew I couldn't stand being here any longer.

I stood up, hurrying as I meandered through the tables, the odd person standing up and waiters carrying trays of food as I headed for the ladies bathroom at the far end of the room. I heard my mother's, father's and Nick's inquest to my sudden escape, but I didn't care to explain, I felt hot and faint. And then, it happened, I was sick.

My fingers gripped the seat as I coughed up the anxiety, guilt and fear from the back of my throat. And then I collapsed my bottom onto the floor, inhaling and exhaling as I sucked in all the air.

I expected my mother's voice as her heels clattered across the floor as she called out my name. "Rose? Rose?" I wiped my mouth, finding some energy to get up before I then unlocked the stall door and exited into the open, prepared to face the mountain of questions from my mother.

"Rose are you okay?" she asked, pestering me with her hands cupping my cheeks as she studied my face.

"I'm fine. I just don't think that starter earlier settled well on my stomach," I lied, as I slid from her space and headed towards the sinks, pushing for the soap from the dispenser, and watching from the mirror her startled face grow in concern.

"Are you sure, hun? You just rushed off..." She was quiet for a second before she asked quietly. "Are you pregnant?"

I paused. "No, no, no," I said, shaking my head as I turned to face her. "I'm not." I was confident I wasn't. I had used protection both with Nick and Shane. And I knew the sudden urge to vomit was due to the restraining atmosphere back out there. I wasn't pregnant.

"Oh." My mother sounded a little disappointed almost, but she didn't show it as she attempted a pleasant smile. "I just assumed. But, everything's okay though, right? You and Nick, right?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't they be, Mom. Me and Nick are solid. You have to use an axe to separate us," I tried to sound convincing as I quickly stepped in to hug her. Her petite frame engulfed me as I closed my eyes, feeling guilt swallow me whole as I knew the truth was far from what I had said.

"Good. I'm glad," she confessed, as she pulled back. "But this baby thing. You do want children, right Rose? I know I can be a pester for it. But it's your choice, not mine or your father's. It's yours and Nick's," she stated, her seriousness positioning me into reality once again and the face off with my guilt.

"Of course. I just...didn't expect Nick to say he wanted children now. He has been...distant on it. So, I was just surprised, Mom. Honest. I want a family with Nick," I responded, knowing the fabricated lie was only putting myself further into a despair of harrowing guilt. 

She sighed with relief and for that moment, I wished I could have felt the same. The old Rose would have felt complete bliss hearing Nick admitting he wanted children. But now. It was alien. This feeling. It wasn't right.

After, reapplying my lipstick and refreshing myself, I joined my mother and returned to the table where I was greeted with open affection from my concerned husband, and father both. I had reassured them enough to stop their pestering so by the end of the night, the conversation had returned to casual. I listened almost as if I were part of the background, answering only when I needed to, and listening to the discussion of football, my mother's volunteering with the local primary school and then Nick's lengthy adventure on his conferences. My interest was far away until the prickle of my ears caught the snap of Shane's name being passed about.

"Yeah, Shane, our neighbour. Great man. Moved in about two weeks ago or something. He's real great. I'll tell you, Konnor, he loves his football. He supports our team," Nick went on, alerting me to him for the second time in the entire night.

"He sounds pleasant," my mother replied.

More than pleasant, I almost said aloud.

"His family is invested into some large—what was it again, Rose?" Nick turned to me.

"Catering," I muttered.

"Oh yeah. Yeah, catering..."

The noise disappeared into a bubble, floating up into the ceiling as I surrounded myself into him. His voice, his arms, his love engulfing me. At that moment, I wanted to fly and fall into his arms. I needed him. He was my escape.

THANK YOU FOR READING! SORRY ON LATE UPDATE! I'VE BEEN VERY BUSY WITH UNI WORK AND GETTING BACK INTO THE ROUTINE AFTER A LONG SUMMER! I HOPE YOU'RE ALL DOING WELL!

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VAMP