Yellow Daffodils

Snow White

Jungkook just wanted to forget. Forget the fact that his career was failing, forget the fact that his parents didn't care for him, and forget that he will forever be alone. But the one thing that Jungkook didn't want to forget, is loving Taehyung.

Hanahaki is an odd disease that anybody can contract if they fall in love. More specifically, unrequited love. At first, it manifests as dry coughs, which will eventually develop into flower petals. If the love becomes stronger, the petals will turn into buds, eventually grow roots, and, if left untreated for too long, will finally bloom and suffocate the person. Generally, there are 3 ways to cure it. Firstly, by having their love reciprocated. Neither person has to be aware of this, and as soon as romantic feelings are developed, the person with Hanahaki will begin to recover. The second way is to have surgery, which will remove the flowers completely from the person's lungs. However, this is only ever used as a last resort, as it will also remove their capacity to feel emotions. Lastly, the most common solution is to fall out of love.

Countless of times, his friends had begged him to tell Taehyung, to get surgery, to do something, anything to cure him, but Jungkook had given up a long time ago. It was useless, Taehyung would never love him back, and living without being able to feel emotions again was like not living at all, and he would rather die than do that.

For a while, his friends stopped making him try different cures, stopped mentioning his disease altogether. Although he felt much more relaxed around them, knowing that he wouldn't have to constantly defend himself or hide his coughing, there was something lonely about the fact that he was alone. It began to dawn on him that perhaps they had given up like so many others, that maybe they had stopped caring.

The coughing got worse too, now that his friends could no longer provide a distraction to him. He wanted to ask for their help, but the fear of knowing that he was wrong, the fear that they would force him to get surgery, loomed over him, and caused him to choke on his words whenever he tried to bring up the subject. As time went by, the little petals he coughed up became larger in size, their surprisingly hard edges scratching against his throat, and their once snow white petals became discoloured in a dark blood red. He could no longer eat or drink without feeling a raw pain in his chest, and even a mention of Taehyung would drop him to his knees in agony. The situation had gotten so bad that he almost considered just killing himself then and there to spare himself the pain. He had chuckled darkly, no humour in his laugh as he imagined how pathetic he would seem to his friends. Jeon Jungkook, age 21, died because his best friend wouldn't love him back.

He hadn't realized how much time had passed until one day Namjoon came bursting through his door, the other boys, Yoongi, Jin, and Hoseok hot on his heels. There was a distressed, and almost wild look in their eyes, their chests heaving with exertion as they looked at him in shock. They were upset at him for not telling them, for not getting help, for not even trying to save himself. They were disappointed that he couldn't accept that Taehyung was straight, that they had thought leaving him alone would be better, that they hadn't realized sooner. They were scared that he would die, that he would die young, that he would die young and alone. But they never said anything aloud. In fact, they said absolutely nothing, the only sound that rang through the room was Hoseok's sniffles, as they stared at him. Eventually, Jin headed towards the kitchen with the promise of soup, while Hoseok and Yoongi went off to begin cleaning up Jungkook's apartment. The only one left in the room was Namjoon, who had a sharp look in his eyes.

"This has to change," he said as he handed Jungkook a pill and a glass of water. "We can't just let you die, you know."

"Why can't you?" Jungkook countered, immediately regretting it as he saw how Namjoon's eyes had turned glassy, an unreadable expression on his face.

"So that is what you want," he mused, seemingly to himself. "You're trying to play the hero's part, trying to be the brave martyr who gives up his life for love, aren't you?"

At first, Jungkook wanted to protest, claim that it was just a hopeless case, that there was just no way to prove it, but the more the idea swirled around his head, the more he realized how right Namjoon was.

"Fine then," Namjoon said abruptly, leaving towards the living room, where any commotion caused by the others had been abandoned some time ago. "Be that way, fucking die for all we care. We've tried to help you, you know, but if you're not willing to save yourself, if you're not willing to do anything, then what's the point? Tell me, if that were to happen to one of us, would you try to help us, would you do everything in your power to stop them from dying? Because that's what we're trying to do, Jungkook. We're trying to help, but you keep on pushing us away. You claim to care for us, but if you really did, would you be fighting tooth and nail to die over a stupid infatuation you have with a boy who is straight? If you truly cared, would you be actively trying to kill yourself, knowing that we would get hurt in the process? Because to me, that doesn't sound like a sacrifice, that sounds like you're being selfish and trying to take the easy way out."

There was a heavy silence in the room. Jungkook hadn't realized until then, but there were tears welling up in the corners of his eyes, and a stinging sensation grew in his chest. This time though, it wasn't from his condition. The whole time, his mind hadn't even wandered to Taehyung, too caught up in his own shame and guilt as he heard Namjoon saying the exact words that he never wanted to hear.

"I'm so sorry," Jungkook whispered, his voice almost too quiet to even be heard by Namjoon, who was a mere 3 feet in front of him. "I know that I'm an idiot, and I know that I've fucked up so many times in the past, but I can't find a way to forget him. I want to forget him so badly, I want to move on. I want to stay, for you guys, but I don't know how to, and I know that if I just swallowed my pride and ask for help then I wouldn't be in this situation, but I've been too afraid to realize the truth. And now it's too late and I've probably made you guys hate me forever but I swear, I'll try to get better. I'll try to stay alive, for you guys."

Swallowing the last bit of his pride and tears, Jungkook looked up to all 4 of them, his voice trembling with emotion, "So please, can you give me another chance?"