Prego and the Phoenix 🐇↩️✔

Bourne - Twenty

I open up my heart to you and let you have your way. Grab it up and play with it, just remember to wipe it off and put it back. However it comes back, broken or aching, I will take it and hold it close. At least if it is painful, I know that I can feel. If you handle with care like it is made of glass then maybe I can go on, hoping that your reflection has been trapped within to carry with me always.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Arabella watches as I walk toward the kitchen and sit on the bar stool. I sit down a little and try to figure out where to start as Arabella sets a bowl of whatever it is she has made in front of me. I eat some of it and push it out of my way after only a couple of spoonfuls.
"You not hungry?"
"I'm sorry..."
"It's okay. I didn't make a whole lot-"
"No... not the food... I'm sorry that I can't be a man for you. I'm not worthy of anyone." I say, laying my head on the bar.
This is not what I want to say to her. I had a whole speech planned out...
"Bourne, if I thought that about you I wouldn't have even given you a chance at all."
"A boyfriend should take care of his girlfriend, promise to be there for her; promise to be there for you and your child. You shouldn't have to take care of me! Especially like that! I turn into a little child, for God's sake! A boyfriend shouldn't turn into a child! A boyfriend shouldn't turn into a baby or scare his girlfriend with death and flames and mythical creatures!" I wailed like a little child.
There was silence for a while and I breathe in, realizing that I have just made things worse. Not only do I turn into a child, but I act like one when I'm old enough to be her boyfriend.
"Well, I guess it's a bit strange, isn't it?" I look up and look at her as she looks at me. "It could be worse. You could be a vampire trying your damndest not to drink me dry. I say being a phoenix is a bit of a plus."
"What are you saying you crazy woman?" I say without thinking.
Arabella smiles and sets her spoon down.
"I know that you're scared and that you're embarrassed but you have to believe me when I say that I really don't care that this happened. Sure, I was scared because it was strange and admittedly it's confusing and weird but you're still you, right?" I nod. "Then that's all that matters to me."
She comes around the bar and puts her hands on my face, looking at me straight in the eyes, my gold to her blue.
"I love you, Bourne Marquez, and I always will... no matter what form you take. As long as you come back to me... You make me sound like I'm the bad guy..."
I pull from her hands and hold them in my own.
"It's just that if you go... if you leave me because of this then I won't be able to live on. My heart can't take the rejection again. The pain and embarrassment that entails is so deep and it feels like I'm revealing my innermost parts to everyone, exposing naked without my consent. If you left me, there is no way that I can come back from that. There is more to you than with Gabrielle..."
Arabella takes her hand from mine and touches my face again, turning me to look at her.
"Tell me. Tell me what happened between you and her."
"Arabella, that's the number one rule of dating: never talk about your ex."
"Well, we are the exception. We both hate ours so I think I've shared my discontent with Trevor... I want to understand what that bitch did to make you feel so worthless... to fear to love again. I won't judge."
I lean into her and place my face on her chest, for once not reveling in the fact that my face is in her baby-upsized bosoms, and I try to think about the one thing I have never tried to bring up again.

***********************************

I tell her the tale of Gabrielle Salome and I, the highlight and the crash of my pride and self-esteem.
"She just stared at me as I stood there, naked and a little child. By that time I had figured out who she was and so I ran to her to keep myself from getting embarrassed but she just walked away from me. I asked what was wrong and then she called me a freak, abomination and then ran away from me. Leaving me in the crowd of people to be scrutinized and prodded. I was still a little child and was scared half to death. I couldn't get away from the people as they tried to understand and I just wanted to get home. I eventually ran away from them, hiding in a store. The people there asked if I knew where I lived and called the police to come and deliver me home.
"When my mom saw me, she grabbed me up and held me so tight I thought I would choke. I wanted to choke. I cried like a baby in her arms, embarrassed, naked, and heartbroken. Then wouldn't fate have it that she turned on the news and the top story was me. Someone had been videotaping their girlfriend when they heard the scream of someone. He had turned the camera and the video of me bursting into flames was on, the whole damned thing. The whole state, even the whole nation saw it! It was even on World News. They had debates about it; whether it was an elaborate hoax or if people like me actually existed. They actually had a cryptozoologist and a mythologist on there.
"After that, I went into a stupor. I didn't eat, slept all the time, was gloomy. I hated myself and I... I hate to admit but I tried to hurt myself a couple of times. The deep and heart wrenching thoughts of her being the one that I needed were so ingrained that I knew I just had to get them out of me. I had to die or something... But Ma told us that we were going to move and forget everything about that place. There was hope... So I started school and then I saw you..."
Somehow during the conversation, we ended up on the couch. Arabella is running her fingers through my hair as I lay on her lap, though her stomach is in the way. I feel the baby kick a couple of times on the back of my head, as if he is saying that I am not welcome on her lap. I sit up and look at her, getting brave enough to look at her expression. She is looking at me calmly, as if I haven't just told her the most heart breaking moment in my life.
"But that's also why I won't be able to handle if you leave. If you leave me, reject me, because of this, I won't be able to live. I can't. You are ten times the woman that Gabrielle was."
Arabella sighs and leans to the side.
"Bourne, your confidence in my love for you is sadly low..." she says with a sad smile.
"I'm not trying to make you feel that way."
"I understand that you're guarded but, baby, what will it take for you to give me your heart?"
"That's the problem, you already have it. That's why it will be so much more if you leave. I'm not trying to guilt you, I'm just telling you the truth."
"I know. You've always been truthful." I smile faintly as she reaches over and moves my hair from my face, the growth making it longer. "Just promise me that you will never make me worry over you like that again."
I grab her hand and look at her seriously.
"I can't promise you that. I can't tell when I might change or if it might kill me. I can only promise to stay as long as I'm able, in whatever form, until you tell me to go."
Arabella put her hand on my cheek and leans in, kissing me on the lips. She pulls away and smiles.
"Does that answer your question?"
I smile and I push her over, straddling her on the couch, looking down at her.
"Yes... It's the best answer you've had all night." I say softly.
Arabella blushes and I lean down to kiss her. She immediately pulls me to her, her hands around my neck and kisses me with such fervor that I almost fall right on top of her belly. I try to keep my weight off of it but damn, she is amazing. We kiss for a while and then she pulls back and I slide in between her and the couch, my arm behind her.
"Can you explain the growth thing? Last time you were here you were a kid for the whole night."
"It depends sometimes. A lot of times I don't grow until I sleep it off, sometimes it's timed, other times I have to wait days, sometimes minutes. I guess it has to do with the phoenix's mood. But it's always the same stages: baby, toddler, preteen, and now. My mother said that she thinks that it does the stages of life according to how old the person is when they phoenix and such. It's all very confusing."
"But why do you forget when you're younger? You keep calling me Ms. Lady."
"I'm sorry..." I say with a sheepish smile. "I'll try... It all really has to do with the amount of time I spent with the person in that stage of life in general or when I phoenix. Like, I can remember my mom and the twins but I may forget you or my bosses for a moment. Like I said, it's very complicated... I take what is given."
Arabella laughs and turns into my embrace, setting her head on my shoulder.
"I need to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"Trevor came by here this morning. I don't know why but he was outside of my house, looking in the windows and such. But when I talked to him, I suddenly realized that it was at least 5:00 in the morning. I think he's been spying on me, Bourne."
I look down and she looks at me with fear in her eyes.
"Are you sure?"
"It's just too much of a coincidence for him to be looking in my empty apartment so early in the morning. He gave me some cockamamie excuse that he was taking a walk but no one takes a brisk walk in the morning when a storm is approaching... well, except for determined boyfriends." I smile. "But he does this type of stuff often. It's like he knows something and has been patiently waiting."
"I understand how you feel. I sometimes get the feeling that I'm being watched and the twins say they have noticed him staring at me at times. I'll see if I can't get to the bottom of this, alright?"
"Don't do something stupid, Bourne." I look down at her and she sits up to look at me. "I mean it. If I lose you then I don't know what I will do."
"I'll try my damndest not to do anything rash. But when it comes to you, love, something in the way you move makes me feel like no other lover." I say, pulling her back down and running my fingers through her hair.
She leans in, her nose to mine.
"Mmm, coo, coo, cachoo..." she says, kissing me deeply again.