Stay With Me (Shawn Mendes)

Two

It had been a pretty uneventful week. Shawn still hadn't woken up and no one really knew when, or if, he would. They said he was fine other than the fact he hasn't been awake in week. Not having Shawn to talk to about something like this made me realize I needed more friends. There had been a lot of kids from out school in and out since school was on break. It made me wonder who would show up if I was in a wreck and hadn't woken up. I shook my head and started thinking about something else.

I was currently sitting in his room with his mom and Aaliyah. I was playing with the sleeves of my shirt and trying to think of something to think about. Ironic right? It was like all of my memory had been swiped and replaced with a black hole.

As I was thinking I suddenly remembered the first time Shawn and I had really ever hung out. We had known each other since 5th grade. I lived in Ajax which was near Pickering. In 5th grade I had started doing a lot of stuff in Pickering and I had met Shawn.

I had known Shawn since 5th grade but we hadn't really started talking to each other until 7th grade.

***

I was on my knees in front of the toilet currently shoving my fingers down my throat in my cousin's house. I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet and sat there for a minute. A sob escaped my mouth and I threw my hand over my mouth quickly.

"Arden," someone said, knocking on the door. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Just give me a second,"I said standing up and flushing my vomit down the toilet. I walked to the sink and splashed water on my face. I dried my face and opened the door, revealing Shawn, my cousins friend.

"I know what you just did in there," he said.

"I said I'm fine. Just leave it be."

"I know I don't know you but you shouldn't do that to yourself."

"Shawn, I'm fine," I said trying to move past him but he was to quick for me.

"You're not fine. Just talk to me," he persisted.

Figuring that he probably wouldn't let me leave until I talked to about what just happened I gave in.

"Fine," I said and sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. "I purge myself, okay?"

"Why?" he asked. Truthfully I didn't know why I did it. I just figured it was the only way I'd ever love myself.

"I. I don't know. I don't like myself."

"Have you ever told anyone, other than me?" he asked.

"No. If I did everyone would find out I'm a freak," I answered.

"I think you're perfect. You don't need to make yourself throw up," he smiled.

"I used to be bigger than I am now. I lost all of that by purging myself and it just became a habit. A habit I couldn't break."

"Please try to break it than. A lot of bad things could happen to you."

"I know. But those are probably for better and not worse."

"Arden, you dying wont make anything better, in face, it will make it horrible for everyone who loves you."

By this point tears were forming in my eyes and I had to try my hardest to blink them away. I had had a crush on Shawn for a couple years and it was bad enough he knew about my bulimia.

"i"ve tried stopping before, but it's like drugs, I can't get enough," I looked over at him and saw he was staring at me.

"Please try again. For your family and friends, for me."