Recovery / / h.s

Chapter Thirty-Nine.

"You're going to be alright," i spoke quietly into her ear. Her shoulders rattled against my chest and her reflection tried to hide her face.

I spun her around and wrapped my arms securely around her. Her body was trembling against mine, sobs escaping her mouth loudly.

"Hey," I spoke softly, pulling away from her and holding onto her upper arms. "I mean it, okay? Everything will be alright. I know this is going to be hard." I took one arm away from her and used it to wipe the tears off of her cheeks.

"I don't think I can do this anymore, Harry. The cancer is just too much and I just feel so alone and I just want to fall apart," she was choking on her tears and trying her hardest to hide her face.

"You aren't alone. Don't you dare think for a second you're going through this alone, okay? I'm here. I'll always be here no matter what.. And if you want to fall apart, go ahead, fall apart. I'm not going anywhere. I think you've more than earned your right to fall apart." She started crying even harder and I didn't know what the hell I said that was so wrong.

"I just love you so much," she smiled, wiping her eyes and turning back to the mirror.

"I love you more," I cooed from behind her.

"Impossible," she sniffled, my favorite smile in the world creeping onto her face.

"We don't have to do this, you know?" I told her as she picked up the shaver.

She looked at it for awhile, moving it around in her hands. "I know. I want to, though."

She passed it to me and I turned it on. She flinched and then quickly tried to cover it up. I hated that she was making me do this. I know she didn't really want to.

"Ready?" I asked her, holding the shaver up to her hair.

"Ready," she told me, sucking in a breath and squeezing her eyes shut.

We sat there silently as I ran the shaver over the first strip of hair. My breath caught in my throat when her wavy lock hit the floor and my hands were shaking so bad I could barely keep hold of the shaver. It was done in less than ten minutes.

"All done," I said quietly, turning the shaver off and setting it back on the counter.

Lily didn't say anything. She kept her eyes screwed shut and her hands were balled into fists at her sides.

"Lily," I tried to tell her. "Open your eyes."

"I don't want to."

"Please?" I begged.

She opened one eye slowly. When she caught sight of herself, her other eye popped open wide. Before I could ask her what she thought, she was wailing.

"It's gone!" She cried, her gaze darting from the mirror down to where her hair lay in a mess on the floor back to her reflection. "It's all gone!"

I tried to pull her into a hug again because that's what I always did when she cried, but she began pummeling my chest with her fists.

I grabbed her wrists in my hands, holding them together to keep her from hitting me again. It's not like it hurt, it was just surprising because she had asked me to do it.

"That's what you asked me to do!" I yelled back at her, dropping her hands when she began to resist and attempt to get free.

"It just looks so...ugly!" She sobbed loudly, falling to the floor in a crying mess in her own hair. She leaned against the cabinet, hugging her knees to her chest.

My heart broke at her words. How could she ever think she was ugly? I sank down beside her, laying her head in my lap and stroking her newly bald head.

"Don't ever say that again, Lillian. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my life. Your cancer does not make you ugly. It makes you a fighter, okay?" I could feel the knee of my jeans getting wet because of her sobs.

I was able to calm her down by telling her how beautiful I thought she was and stroking her back. I even sang to her as she cried because I didn't know what else I could do to make his better.

"This is only going to get worse, Harry," She said. She had the stuffed nose voice that a person always has when they cry and she had been staring at the wall for at least ten minutes.

"I know," I told her because I honestly didn't feel like lying to her by telling her that things would only get better.

"And that's going to suck a lot."

"I know." Silence. "But hey, like I said, I'll be here through it all."

"Promise?"

"Pinky swear."