We're Going Under (Cameron Liddell)

• Karma's A Bitch, Right? •

{ s i x t e e n }

After we shared a bucket of chips (yes, a bucket, I have no idea why. It even came with a spade...) We decided to walk along the beach for an hour then meet back up with the boys.

Looking out at the glistening blue sea, Cameron hugs me from behind, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Kate?" He whispers. I mumble in response.

"why can't I stay away from you.." He asks, I've thought the same question to be honest, about myself and him.

"I have the same problem" I said truthfully.

"I mean, we could try, after today...but I don't even want too. It's like we have too, life just isn't fucking fair y'know?" He said clinging to me tighter.

"Okay, for Danny. After today, we try and just...forget?" It pained me to even say it, but it's so wrong to do this to all the guys in asking.

"So...today's basically the last day I get to hold you like this.." He said sadly.

"I guess so.." I replied, and then we fell into a sad silence, just looking out at the sea.

After a while he turned me around to face him, and looked into my eyes.

He pulled me so I was against him, and I still wasn't close enough. He wrapped his arms around me and instead of kissing me, he just touched his forehead to mine.

I wrapped my arms back around him, and sighed. I really don't want to forget these past few days.

I felt a tear slide down my cheek and Cameron rubbed it away with his thumb.

"Please don't cry...I can't handle that" he whispered.

He kissed me so lightly I could hardly feel his lips moving, I pressed mine to his forcefully, knowing this could be the last time we kiss.

I let more tears fall as the kiss deepened, strangers walking around me, a few saying 'aww'

The kiss ended too soon, and we just stood there, hugging each other, listening to the splash of the sea against the rocks beneath us.

Maybe this is for the best.

Maybe.

***

The day ended way too quickly, it's like life was stabbing me in the back.

What the hell did I do in my past life to deserve this?

Is this what karma is? I must've been a serial killer in my past life or something, maybe shot the queen, I have no idea.

'Karma's a bitch, right?' Danny's lyrics came into my head. He's so right.

Sam and I sat on the couch, all the boys went to bed when we got back from Blackpool. Sam and I stayed up to chat.

I plastered a fake smile on my face.

"So what happened?" I asked him.

"We're together Kate, I can't believe it. I just- he said the kiss changed him, said he couldn't believe it but he felt the same. But don't tell anyone, we're giving it a small trial run, see how it goes. Y'know?" He had a loving look in his eyes talking about James. It reminded me of Cameron.

I felt tears stream down my face as I attempted to stay together, attempted to be happy for them, and not just jealous.

By the end of his little speech he looked at me and saw I was crying.

"Hey hey! Don't cry! What's wrong? Please don't cry"

"I'm fine" I muttered as the tears flowed harder.

"Yeah, and I'm giving birth right now" he replied sarcastically. I laughed a little.

"Now there's a smile, want to talk about it?"

"I can't" I said sadly... "You'll hate me"

"I'm pretty sure I couldn't hate you, you know my biggest secret, I thought you'd hate me when you found out, you didn't though, and now I'm with James"

"I screwed up" I whispered. "I really fucking screwed up badly"

"How?"

"I just, I don't know, Sam. I fell into a forbidden..." I tried to explain to him. What exactly was it? Was it love?

"Something? I don't know.." I continued. He looked at me knowingly.

"I know." Was all he said, he wasn't confused? He knows. He saw my confused expression and elaborated.

"I woke up this morning and you were in Cams bed, I was pretty pissed off, I thought you'd slept together to piss Danny off or something..." He sighed. "I went in my bunk for an hour to sleep, when I woke up I was ready to scream at you both. Then I saw how you looked at eachother.."

"You both looked so...I don't know, just in love. I kept it to myself, obviously. And as the day progressed I saw you both fall into sadness, I have no idea what happened, but I'm so sorry" We looked in love? Was it love? It seemed like lust but with a little more.

It wouldn't hurt this much if it was just lust.

I looked up at him.

"Sam...I just, I want to be able to lay in his arms, and not have to worry about my brother beating him to death...I want to be able to say 'hi, this is my boyfriend' to random strangers, I want to be able to kiss him in public and show affection, and I don't want to have to set a fucking alarm to creep around. I want to be aloud to fall in love, Sam..." I explained as more tears poured down my face.

"Why is this happening to me?" I whispered.

He looked shocked, he didn't say anything, which I was glad for, he just held me, rubbing circles on my back until I calmed down.

My tears were slowly stopping when he finally spoke.

"Did you sleep with him?" He asked, genuinely.

"I've never slept with anyone, but if he'd asked me too, he could have my virginity in a heartbeat, and I wouldn't regret it, Sam. As bad as that sounds.. I just wouldnt"

"Oh darling...." He said holding me again.

"It hurts so much Sam"

"I know love, I know...why don't you sleep it off okay? We'll go for coffee when you wake up" he said.

I nodded and he picked me up and put me on his back, tears were still flowing down my face.

He placed me gently in my bunk and kissed my forehead.

"Get some sleep darling, things will be okay..I don't like seeing my little sister cry, please stop crying"

"Okay.." I said, not believing my own words. "I love you Sam"

"I love you too, sweetheart. See you in the morning" he said, closing the curtain to my bunk.

"Things will be okay" I whispered to myself for reassurance as I wrapped the blanket around myself and forced my eyes closed.