Trailing Stars (Trailing Stars #1)

Chapter 12

Around five in the morning, Clara is tired enough to sleep in the apartment above the café. It's probably about time I get home and try to fall asleep myself. Nathan insists on driving me home, and I don't have the energy to tell him no. At the same time, though, I don't feel tired. He doesn't look tired either. Not that I try to look at him. Not since he distracted Clara from asking more questions about Morgan. So I stare out the window and count my breaths.

"Are you awake?" Nathan asks, his voice gentle.

I sit up a little straighter, turning to look at him. "Yeah. I'm awake."

He nods. "What are you thinking about?"

I look out the window again, crossing my arms. I dig my nails into my sleeves. "Why'd you change the subject?"

I don't need to elaborate for him to know what I'm talking about. "I figured you wanted me to."

I look down at my shoes. "I did, but..." How do I finish this? I swallow, digging my nails even deeper into my sleeves. "Clara's curious about Morgan, so I figured I might as well just say something about him every once in a while. Just to keep her satisfied."

"Until she asks again. And then you're uncomfortable again." My emotions are very obvious apparently... Nathan parks the car in front of Hannah's house and cuts the engine. He unbuckles his seatbelt and rests an elbow on the center console as he leans toward me. I meet his eyes out of instinct, spiraling into his gaze. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about your brother. There are some things I don't like talking about, so I write."

"Does it help?"

Nathan tilts his head from side to side, looking towards the roof of the car. "Yeah. I think it does. For me anyway." He smiles at me. "I was hoping it would help you, too."

I don't know if it's the sincerity in his voice, the gentleness in his eyes, or just him, but something about Nathan always makes the warmth spread throughout my chest. It's particularly intense right now, and I have to glance away before it gets too overwhelming. But I feel Nathan's eyes on me, so that doesn't really help.

"It does kind of help," I say.

He exhales. "Good. I'm glad it does."

I nod, unbuckling my seatbelt. "Me too."

Nathan gets out of the car to walk me to the door. "It also helps when you talk to me about my poems. About stars. Feels like you really get me."

I turn to face him when we're on the porch. "Does it?"

He smiles. "All the time." He looks down at his shoes, locking out his arms as he slides his hands into his pockets. "I guess that kind of makes me a little selfish." His eyes flicker to me and back down, a small smile playing on his lips. "Because you're one of my trailing stars."

I blink, playing with my keys. "I am?" He nods. "I don't feel like a star at all... If anything..." I swallow, gathering my courage to finally ask him about black holes. "If anything, I think I'm a black hole."

Nathan's eyes snap to me, and I feel my breath catch in my throat from how intense his eyes are like stars turning into supernovas. "Not at all." He narrows his eyes. "What makes you think you're a black hole?"

I gesture at him with both hands, letting them fall to my sides. "You got in an argument with Clara because of me."

"That wasn't on you—"

"But you keep feeling the need to fight with her because of me." I wrap my arms around my stomach and look down and off to the side at the worn-out wood of the porch. "I really do think you and Clara are basically siblings. Close siblings at that. Maybe you can automatically forgive each other now, but..." I grip my jacket, tightening my arms around myself. "It won't always be that way, especially if you keep fighting. And if I keep making you get into fights with her, I'm destroying a great friendship. How can I not think I'm a black hole?"