Trailing Stars (Trailing Stars #1)

Chapter 4

I shake my head, shifting to face him. "No. I mean it. I liked yours a lot."

Nathan lets himself smile this time. "Thanks. What did you think it was about?"

"From my point of view? I think it's about burning yourself out after trying to please everyone, including yourself."

He nods slowly. "Interesting take."

If the way his eyes dim a little is any indication, I don't think I interpreted it the way he meant to write it. But it doesn't feel like he's disappointed. If anything, it feels like he genuinely thinks my interpretation is interesting and something worth considering.

"Honestly, though," he continues, "it wasn't my best poem." What? He has to be joking. He laughs at my expression. "I'm serious. I usually don't share the better ones on open mic nights because they're more personal. If it's one-on-one, then I'm fine with it."

His eyes widen a little as they meet mine. A smile plays on his lips, and he leans towards me. Okay, I guess I'll take the hint. "Do you mind sharing your better poems with me?"

His smile widens. "Not at all." He practically slams his mug down on the coffee table and bolts up the spiral staircase. I smile, feeling a warmth spread through my chest. I'm seeing a lot of sides to Nathan tonight, and they're all interesting. Plus, this gives me more time to read Morgan's Messages again. But I guess Nathan's a lot more excited to share his poems with me than I think because he comes back before I can even reach for my phone. Maybe that's for the best. Maybe reading too much in one day will stop me from feeling empty, but it'll make me too... guilt-ridden... and get rid of this warmth in my chest.

Nathan settles on the couch beside me again, leaving less space between us than last time. He flips through the pages. His eyes darken and lighten with certain poems, and he keeps flipping until he finds one he really likes. He hands the notebook to me, tapping the left side. I set my mug down before taking the notebook from him. The title is Eta Carinae.

"That's a star, right?" I ask.

Surprise flashes across his face. His expression settles into a mixture of amusement and approval. "Yeah. It is."

His eyes linger on me for a second longer, and I have to glance away, the warmth becoming a little too much for me. I shake my head and focus on the poem.

Nothing is supposed
to last forever.
Nothing is supposed
to stay for millions of years.

But you did.

You didn't dim.
You exploded.
You didn't give
in to pressure.
You were pressure.

From giving energy
to forcing it.
From providing warmth
to abusing it.
From being a shining star
to becoming a destructive mass.

You exploded.
You destroyed.
You're supposed to be gone.
You're supposed to disappear
with the mess you made.

But you choose to stay.
You choose to remain.
You choose to be
one of the brightest
lights in the darkening sky,
oblivious to the mess you made.

I blink, staring at the poem. That was... huh... I can see what Nathan means by better poem. When I glance at him, he looks at me with a little more apprehension than he did after reading Finite Pressure. I guess that must mean this really is a more personal poem.

Clara walks into the room before I can tell him my thoughts. "Hey, fifteen minutes is almost—Why are you making her read poems?"

Nathan rolls his eyes. "She asked to read them."

Clara makes a face. "Or you guilted her into reading them."

Nathan rolls his eyes again and he turns back to me with that apprehensive smile. "So what'd you think?"

I skim over the poem. "It's definitely better than the one you read aloud."

He sits back against the couch, pressing his lips into a thin line. "Does it make sense that I'm offended?"

Clara scoffs. "It really doesn't."

"I wish I could..." I begin, hoping to prevent an argument. Now that I know how they interact, I know there's definitely one coming. But in the middle of my sentence, I realize I don't know how to end it. I settle with, "write like you do."

Nathan gives me a quizzical smile. "You don't have to write like I do."

Clara bites her thumbnail. "Not that you would want to write exactly like him."

They share a look. It's not the usual teasing hatred. It's not even teasing, but I don't want to say it's pure hatred. Just... frustrated...

Nathan recovers first, smiling at me. "You just write how you feel and that's all that matters."

"I don't really have time to write," I say.

"You ice skate." Clara flashes me a smile. "Really well, too."

I shake my head. "It's been a while. I'm really rusty."

Clara gives me an incredulous look, leaning back like that'll help her get a clearer view of me. "I don't think someone that's rusty can do a triple axel."

"Double," I correct. "I can't do a triple."

I still remember Morgan laughing every time I've fallen attempting a triple axel. Not that he could do it either. Which meant I got to laugh at him when he tried, too. Kassie, Leah, and Jason always thought it was cruel of us, but it was just how we were. And it wasn't like we didn't help each other up afterward. But thinking back to it now, maybe I should've helped him up a little sooner every single time.

Clara makes a face. "Mona, that's still pretty amazing."

I shrug, playing with the edges of the notebook. "Thanks."

"Knowing how to ice skate, in general, is pretty amazing," Nathan adds. "Especially to someone that's never even tried it before."

My head whips in his direction. "Never?" Is that possible? I look at Clara and she nods, confirming it for me. I look back to Nathan. "Don't you want to try?"

His eyes light up. "I'll go ice skating if you try to write a poem afterward."

Clara laughs, clapping her hands together. "I have to see this."

They both look at me, and it feels like my heart stops. I try not to fold in on myself. It's not like I've never written a poem before, but it's not something that comes naturally to me. Especially if I have to put feelings behind it. But having Nathan skate...

"Sounds fair," I agree.

Nathan scoffs. "Define fair. You won't get hurt trying to write a poem."

I laugh, but I know deep down that's not entirely true.