Fated Stars

Guilt Ch 14

I snap my head to look at her eyes searching for something. How does she know how I feel, does she know something I do not? "How-di-did you know, that's how I am feeling?"

I was on edge waiting for her to reveal some secret, some hidden knowledge that my curious mind has been seeking. For answers about my mate-ship, my family, and situation. However with many aspects of my life I am once again disappointed. 

"Well I know because I once felt like that. It was such a whirlwind being mated to your father." She says matter of factually and turns to continue to dust with vigor. 

Of course her answer was simple and genuine, if my mother knew any secrets I am sure she would tell me. I mean at least I think so. Lying is a sin and I have never know my mother to be prone to such inclinations before. 

"Yes of course you have mother. That makes sense, but could- could you tell me something?"

"Of course dear what is it?"

And I do not know where this openness has come from but I get out all the feelings and questions that have plagued me, well not all but most about my mate-ship with Kader. 

"Well I have been feeling that there is a lot about my mate-ship that I don't know about. I mean of course Kader and I will need to get to know each other, but I feel he is hiding something from me. I know I should not think such things, its just when I try to ask him about our future he clams up and avoids the topic. He had repeatedly asked me to just trust him and not worry however that is not in my nature, all I can do is worry. Does that make sense?"

My mother turns hesitantly she looks like shes trying to think of the words to say. "I do think it makes sense." She sighs and sits down, this cannot be good. She takes a seat next to me. Shes finally sitting but does  not look less nervous. " Azalea, I wish I could say things will get easier for you. Its not easy to be mated to a man in power or who is apart of a family who is. I was terrified when I was mated to your father. He was to be the Alpha the most important man in our pack. I felt a lot of pressure to live up to what an Alpha's mate should look and act like. Let me tell you I did not live up to any of it. Part of me was relieved when Violet came into the picture,  I did not have to pretend anymore." She paused for a moment, again she is trying to find the right words. I get a wave of sadness for her, she could not give my father sons and she felt so isolated and out of place. Much like I feel I realize but I confused by her admissions about Violet. 

"Even so I had to accept and understand that my role in this life was not to be the perfect mate for an alpha or even for your father. When you were born I knew what my purpose was and it was to be the best mother and live for you and your well being. You will find your purpose in this life even  if you do not find in this pack or with Kader."

I am shocked by my mothers words, she has never said she was not meant to be perfect for my father. The Star Batni have always stressed the importance of being your best for your mate no matter what as a she-wolf. I am almost upset she would say that she was relieved that another women swooped in and took her mate, her family. My emotions stir and I feel so strange, I start speaking before my mind can even process what I am saying. 

"Mother what do you mean not with Kader? That cannot be we are mated I must do everything I can to ensure I am perfect for him and this pack. They expect it, everyone is watching and waiting to see what will happen in our mate-ship. Waiting to see me screw up no doubt. "

I want to cry I realize the truth in my words is heavy and I almost wish to take them back, just almost. My mother looks surprise but there is also that all too familiar look of pity and even guilt on her face. 

But before she can get an apology I know doubt she would offer out, we both hear footsteps gliding toward our door. One sniff of violets and rain signals  Violets arrival. My stomach drops. My mother quickly rises and heads to the door, were both tense and upset how are we going to handle Violet now? I knew this would be a long day.....

Surprisingly Violet came alone, no Dax or Don in toe.  Thank the Stars, with how my emotions are are jumbled their present would have undone me for sure. We are all sitting in the living room with the furniture moved out of the way. Violet has all the the items we need to begin creating all the pottery I will need. I marvel at how well and kind my mother treats Violet. I would not be. I would let her know she ruined a family... no wait where did that thought come from? I should never think such an unkind thought about her. I close my eyes and shake my head, it must be the lack of sleep. I should not have thought that. As I think about my lack of sleep I feel the exhaustion setting into my muscles and shoulders I feel heavy. I just need to get through this lesson and then I am sure I can sneak in a quick nap before all of my other task. If I can stay awake for that long.

"That's right, just like that gentle. The clay can be finicky. Spin the wheel a bit more. Oh it looks perfect!"

Hearing Violets encouraging words and praised should have been a positive experience. If the words were in fact directed at me. No after my many failed attempts to spin a simple cup out of clay Violet took to instructing my mother in the skill. If my life was not already taboo seeing MY mother and Violet getting along would be a site. However my life is very different and this is might have been strangest site. But no my life has had my curious moments. As I'm in the kitchen listening to my mother and Violet actually getting a long I cannot help but smile.  Who would have thought terrible sculpting skills would help bring them together. Maybe the Stars do work in mysterious ways.

 As I finishing making tea for everyone I get this sensation a tremor goes through my skin. I turn to look out the window. I look to the forest tree line and I see a silhouette of a person. As my eyes focus I see further my eyes widen....its Kader. His posture is tense his fist clenched at his side's. And even from here I can see his eyes smoldering... Oh stars what is wrong?