BTS One Shots

The Biggest Regret | JJK x Reader

Prompts used:

44. My biggest regret was loving you

83. Just… Let me hold you one last time

85. Maybe it'd be best if we just… Breakup

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Eight months. It has been eight months since you saw him last.

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“I can’t take this anymore Kooks. You never reply my texts, you don’t answer my calls. I get that we are both too busy to have a normal relationship. But I hadn’t expected that it will be to this extent! Six months Kooks. I haven’t seen you in person for six months. How does this still count as a relationship?”

Your raised voice rings out in the room, having a stare down with your boyfriend.

“If you cannot understand the situation that I am stuck in, then what is the point of all this? Why are we fighting so hard? I love you and you love me. But you can’t understand me at all! I can’t just up and leave everything to the members. I have my dreams to chase too! This is my career that I’m talking about. I only have so many years to achieve all that I want.”

“And what about me Kooks? I have my dreams too. I don't even know who I am anymore Kooks…” your voice trails off as you realise the eventuality of the situation.

You know that it had been too good to be true. Being with him was something that you had wanted for a long time, and when it eventually happened, you put him up on a pedestal. Your expectations of him were too high. As were his.

Finally Jungkook breaks the silence, a hardness in his tone, “We should take some time for ourselves. Maybe it’d be best if we just… break up.”

There it is, the words are out in the open. You continue to stare at him. Until… You give in. He had uttered the very words that had been lingering on your mind for the past months.

Tears that you had shed in secret over missing him, from wanting him by your side, from loving him, they start to spill over the lids of your eyes.

“Kooks… I…”

Suddenly you are whirled around and encased in warmth. Warmth that you missed so much, that you’ve wanted for a long time. Warmth that reaches deep into your soul.

“Just… let me hold you one last time.” he breathes into your ear, his tone once again gentle.

It is the last time, after this you’ll never have him in your arms again. You will never love another person like you love him again. So you stay like that for a long time, as you wet his shirt with your tears and he wets your shirt with his.

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Out of the blue, Jungkook texts you, asking to have coffee and so he can pass you things that you had left with him.

“Hey you,” you hear him approach you

“Hey Jungkook,” you smile back at him.

He doesn't miss the fact that you don’t call him by his pet name and you don't miss that his face drops a little at that.

“I ordered for you in case something comes up halfway. At least you’ll be able to have something to drink, and have it to-go if it really comes to that.” pushing his drink towards him.

“You still remember what I like. That’s comforting.”

“Jungkook, we were friends first before… My biggest regret was loving you. But not loving you would have an even greater misfortune. I lost myself, because I didn't know how to love myself first. I gave into you so much, I fit my life around you so much, that I gave up opportunities that I shouldn't have. I should have loved myself first, so that I can have my dreams and be my own person, before being your person. You needed someone who was strong and independent, able to hold her own. I wasn’t that someone.”

“I have never regretted loving you, Y/N. I still don't regret. I still do.” he whispers the last bit, only audible to your ears.

“You still… what?” you ask, wondering if you heard wrong.

“Love you.”

“Jungkook…”

“I know you still love me. You’re trying your best to not let your mask falter but I see it. You try not to touch me, you don't look me in the eye, your eyes are… red and tired. As if you've been crying.”

Your resolve to just walk away after this meetup falters. It is still too painful and this… this just proves that you were not ready to meet him at all.

“I can’t Koo… Jungkook, please don't do this. God, meeting you was a mistake.”

“Is it really?” he poses the question, looking at you expectantly.

Hopefully. Fervently.

And in that moment, you fall again. For it is in his eyes, you see his passion, his compassion, his understanding. His love.

“Kooks…”

“Y/N be mine again?” he asks again, holding out his hand.

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To take it or not to take it. That is not the question.

The question is… to love or not to love?

To regret not loving or not to have regrets at all.

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