Always and forever

Feelings? Hell yeah

                                                                  2 YEARS AGO

I try to talk between laughing ''no Lily stop, you know how much I hate tickling,'' taking a deep breath to survive this.
''I know, but this is the only way to get you to admit that you like Kevin.'' She laughs with me.

''Get the fuck off and maybe I will admit it.'' My smile grows bigger if I start to think about Kevin.

''Fine,'' as she starts to climb off from me, she continues '' spill the beans now.'' 

''Yeah okay I like him, like, really really like, but he is the bad boy after all and I don't think that he would like to make things official, actually, I don't even know if he really likes me. We just hang out a lot and ugh I don't know.'' I feel sad... I wish he looked at me like one of these girls he is always dating... I would live to be instead of them.

''Do I have to remind you how the fuck two of you even started hanging out and how much he has changed since you came on the view?'' 

''Yeah I know that we hated each other and did some stupid pranks, had a couple of kisses but we really haven't talked about this.'' Maybe we should?

She starts to scream, '' THEN DO IT, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? '' I cover her mouth with my hand.

''Stop screaming and I know that I should but I don't know how. What if he rejects me? What if I have misunderstood everything? We have had this cliche bad boy and good girl story like you can read from books and even this was unbelievable for me, so I don't really believe that somehow I could be so lucky for the second time as well.'' I can't look at Lily or I will cry, what I feel is something big. Crap, I have already fallen for Kevin.

''You are like THE best girl someone could ask for, so I am sure that he feels the same way, but since he is the bad boy I think that he isn't used to speaking about his emotions. You need to be the first.'' I have nothing more to say.

''Let's go to sleep, I will handle this tomorrow.'' 

''Yeah, you better. Goodnight Em.'' 

I turn off the lights but I can't fall as sleep. My mind is full of thoughts about Kevin and how long we have come. We hated each other and now from my side, this hate has turned to love, but I'm afraid that this is only a one side thing and then I will be just another stupid girls whose heart he broke. But I don't want to be this girl, so I have to fight for what I want and hope for the best. You know as they say 'love comes from the most unexpected places'.

I wake up because of some loud sound and before I realize where it is coming from Lily starts to yell at me. ''Turn that shit off. I want to  sleep.'' 

''Somebody is little crumpy today.'' I chuckle at myself. ''Okay, sleepyhead, it is time to go to school, so get your ass off this bed and get ready, we are leaving in 20 minutes.'' I finish talking just when I found the dress I was looking for.

''Yes mom.'' She rolls her eyes. ''Why are you going to wear this dress, this is extra... WAIT A MINUTE, YOU ARE GOING TO TELL KEVIN ABOUT YOUR FEELINGs TODAY, AREN'T YOU??'' She starts to scream again and jumping around the room.

''Oh my god Lil, calm down. Yes, I am and I want to look good for this.'' Now it's my turn to roll eyes.

''Baby blue has always been your colour, so this is a very and may I add, very good choice. I'm proud.'' Lily smirks.

''Stop that. You are not allowed to smirk, let's save this move for the boys or they won't have anything.'' I start to laugh and soon she joins me.

20 minutes later we are both ready to leave and since she came with her car yesterday then we are going with hers today as well. All the way school we are singing all the songs along, even when we only know one part of the song, but it is always fun with Lily, neither of us is judging. 

After she parked I start to talk. ''Look, I'm going to talk him after school, so keep yourself together, will you?'' 

''Anything for you babe.'' She winks at me at the same time smirking.

''NO! You are not allowed to do this too. Winking- fine, smirking- not fine, smirking and winking- DEFINITELY NOT FINE! I told you, save something for the boy, what are there moves if you stole everything.'' Lily starts to laugh. 

''Fine, I will talk to you tonight and I WANT DETAILS YOU KNOW!'' I roll my eyes ''yes mom.''

''Good, love you Em.''

''Love you too!'' And with that I'm alone, walking to my class, starting to think about how I'm going to talk with Kevin about my feelings.

Just go with the flow. 

My inside voice really knows when she should wake up from her beauty sleep. 

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I know that this isn't long and maybe it is boring, but I am really trying, so that means a lot if you tell me what do you think about my story :)

Love,

Marii