my book of wonders

something i cannot take back

I cannot form the words to describe my burning hatred towards you. I cannot form the tears that stung at my eyes for countless hours. Instead my face is soaked in the sadness and hatred.

I cannot catch my sleep no matter how long my counting sheep persist. Your stupid smile, the way you nibbled on my skin, the way your breath crawled down my face, down my spine. These are the feelings and images that haunt me. I cannot shake the image of how your body hovered over mine.

My brain tries to dig its way out of my skull. My body cannot take it any longer that its trying to reject the idea of you, breaking down and worn out.

I cannot get over the pain you have brought to me.

I cannot get over the happiness you have brought along with it.

No matter how many times I cry to myself, hoping that the tears wear me out so I can get a decent nights sleep. No matter how angry I become over the fact that you're fine. You're not the one hurting.

It angers me the most that I gave you something you did not deserve. It angers me most that it is something I cannot take back, as your head is held high, as if it were a trophy, and my head hung in shame. 

I should have listened to the nay-sayers and went with my gut. Instead you were in my guts, panting in my ear. 

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