Count The Stars

thirty-four

       I was told by my coach in the hallway that I needed to come back to practice, even though there wasn't much left in the season, but I did just that. I showed up on the field right on time to find my entire team huddled together, the smell of BO from a whole lot of sweaty boys overwhelming me from the start. I debated running back inside and pretending like I was never there, but coach saw me and called me I've before I got the chance.

        I jogged over, each step bringing me closer to the judgmental faces on every single one of the boys.

        "Welcome back, boy. Your mates have something they want to say," he began before turning to the awkward yet intimidating group in front of me.

        After a second of silence, Oliver let out a very loud groan and stepped forward. "Sorry for making fun of you, Eli. It was inappropriate and out of line. Please come play with us again," he said, his deep voice the most robotic and bored I've ever heard it.

        Still, I forced a smile on my face and nodded stiffly. "Okay." I was in too good of a mood to care. Adam and I were fine, Grace and I were over, and I felt like I was surfing on a cloud. It was a good feeling. Comfortable.

        I didn't realise how much I missed football until after we started up practice. For the first time since the beginning of the school year, I felt like normal.

        The only thing that was missing was Blake.

        After practice, I packed up my stuff and sped out of the locker room. I didn't trust the boys at all, and I don't think I ever would again, no matter how many half assed apologies they gave me. But as I walked out, I heard my name called and I turned back to find nobody.  Second later, a hand wrapped around my bicep and pulled me into an abandoned room. The light turned on above me and Blake, who was still gripping my arm so hard he was cutting off circulation.

        "We need to talk," he demanded.

        I ripped my arm away from him. "No we don't,"

        "Wait!" He shouted as I reached for the door. I stopped suddenly and watched him out of my peripheral vision as he took a deep breath and relaxed. "Please, Eli."

        "I don't want to sit here and take the blame for tearing us apart. I know it wasn't me," I said, the last bit more for myself than anyone else.

        "Listen, mate-"

        "We're not mates," I spat out. Blake's head shot back, his brown eyes wide. He opened his mouth to say something else, but nothing came out. So, I continued. "All you've done this year is make me feel like I'm a burden to you. What happened to the Blake that I've always known?"

        "I-I don't know," he admitted.

        I scoffed. "That's it?"

        He put his hands over his face and groaned. "I'm trying, Eli. I don't want to hurt you at all. When those guys were telling me that you were holding me back or that I'd be better off without you, I didn't agree with them."

        I shook my head. "You're lying."

        "I'm not."

        "Yes, you are."

        "I'm not! Christ, Eli, why don't you believe me?"

        "Because I heard you!" I shouted, "you said I was a head case and that you didn't want me around. You said that you were only nice to me all these years because you felt bad for me. How am I meant to believe that all those things you said weren't true?"