His Salvation

Part Twenty

You know where I am, if you need me.

It was a short text, simple and sweet and offered Zoya the strength she needed the most on the day of Yash's funeral. She stood beside Mahi as Mahi welcomed people into her home.

Mahi was trying not to shed a tear for her older brother, he was an abuser, a killer, but yet she couldn't help the pain she felt deep within, once upon a time he had been that young boy singing her to sleep when she had been told off by their parents. She would cry today, not for the man he was but the boy he used to be.

"Hi, is this the house where Yash's funeral is taking place" a shorter woman asked, hair in tight curls around her face

"Yes, sorry do I know you" Mahi queried

"I am, sorry was Yash's girlfriend"

Mahi heard Zoya inhale sharply, not knowing what else she could do to comfort her she squeezed Zoya's hand tightly. "Oh, i'm so sorry, did he hurt you, badly" Mahi's tone was low

"Hurt me" the woman replied, tone full of bewilderment "Why would he do that, Yash always treated me well" she hastily entered the home, not willing to think about why anyone would ask her a question like that about a man as good as Yash.

Zoya dropped Mahi's hand from her own "That means, it was just me he abused, just me, all this time, everyone said I was never at fault, tell me why, tell me why she's not covered in scars like me" her voice shook, hiccuping every couple of words, her eyes as dark as the night sky without any stars,

"Zoya, you're shouting, people are" Mahi looked around nervously

"People are what Mahi, what are they doing, staring, good, he won Mahi, he won, he's dead and he won, what is so bad about, about me Mahi, wasn't I good enough for his love, I" she let out a screech, hands gripping her hair, yanking at it "I" she began again, a scream replaced words as she wretched. Her fingers fumbled across her phone, dialling Aditya's number "I need you now, please pick up" she sobbed, stumbling outside of the house

XXX

Aditya pulled the hood off of his head, the white powder upon the small table had been tormenting him, he needed a fix, he needed to forget, he needed to escape feeling this way. He felt weak, not strong enough to fend for himself when the loneliness kicked in. He shoved his hands into his pockets, wringing them and walking around the table.

"Go on, take it, you know you want to, what else can anyone expect from a drug addict, did you think you could live normally"

Aditya shut his eyes, trying to get that voice out of his head when he realised his hands were shaking, just once, he wouldn't do it again. He grabbed the rolled up piece of paper, kneeling before the table and lowering his head

XXX

Zoya walked lifelessy up the busy streets, did Yash hurt her because she was ugly? Too fat? Was it because she couldn't have children? He always said it was her fault, it was. Of course it was, Yash was a respected man, she had pushed him to hurt her, annoyed him, she wasn't good enough. Her tounge ran over her bottom lip, her hand running over her mouth once she had vommited on the ground. That was when she felt herself break, she fell forward into a tree, hysterical sobs ripping through her small frame, much like knives cutting through her skin from the inside. Her hand gripped the bark on the tree trying to gain some semblance of her emotions- only to gasp for air as her cries got louder, breathing so fast she had to fight to not vomit again. Zoya knew better than to call for Aditya, but she needed someone, no, not someone, she needed him.

XXX

Aditya shoved himself away from the table, arms wound round his legs as he rocked "Think of Zoya, think of Zoya" he muttered, he didn't want to be that person again, but if Zoya never came back, what else would he have? He needed to get out, get some air, have a breather. He stood up, walking to the door when he distinctly heard his phone buzz

XXX

Zoya cut the phone off quickly, no, it wasn't his problem. She was nothing, she didn't deserve happiness, all this time she had allowed people to think Yash was bad, but it had been her, she had made him hurt her, "All my fault, all my fault" her eyes widened when her phone rang in her hands

"Zoya" he sighed in relief, "You have no idea just how much I needed to hear from you today, are you okay" Zoya closed her eyes, he needed to hear from her, in some way he needed her too

"No" she whispered "I'm not, I want to, want to" she couldn't finish her sentence, another wave of emotion making her lose her balance

"It's okay, take your time" he sat down, the drugs on the table far from his mind

"I was at his funeral, a woman came, said she was his girlfriend and he never hurt her Aditya, he never hurt her like he hurt me" she sniffed

"Oh Zoya, listen, men like him rarerly change, the reason he didn't hurt her is because you were still around, as long as there is someone to take your anger out on, you don't think about hurting anyone else, it isn't because there is anything lacking in you, this is all him"

Zoya gripped the phone, she wanted nothing more than to believe him, but she physically couldn't. "Then why me, I just wanted him to love me"

"You have to know, if it wasn't you, it would have been someone else, they just want a target, someone to manipulate, it's easy to believe they're being honest when it's all you hear every single day" he shook his head, wanting to rid himself of similar words that rang true for him, now wasn't the time

Zoya relaxed against the tree, she really had missed him. She knew it wasn't healthy to rely on someone as much as she relied on him, she needed more things in her life, but she couldn't help but return to the only solace she knew. "Why did you need to hear from me today" she needed to change the subject, she wanted to listen to him too, she knew now where she stood, she wasn't worth anything but pain, but agonisingly so, Aditya seemed to need her.

Aditya glanced over at the drugs "I was going to do something stupid"

"Stupid, like hurt yourself" dread filled her "Do you want me to come back"

Yes. Of course he did, but he didn't want pity. "I guess, in a way, no, it's fine" he paused "Unless you want to come home"

"Home" she repeated "I do want to come home, but I can't give you what you want from me and"

"But we are friends right, your friendship is more than enough for me"

"Friends" a small smile on her lips "I've never made a friend before"

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