ELITES SERIES: SUFFER

chapter twenty five

A very short update babies.

*Erin's

Its been a week since I gave birth to Rihana. As day passes by, her features are becoming more and more like her father. I saw few of Rihan's baby picture before and I admit, she's more like her father than the twins at their age. She got Rihan's green eyes, the shape of her nose and lips resembles to his father. But Rihana got her dark hair from me. Her porcelain skin are glowing every time light hits her. Her chubby pinkish cheeks are glowing when she laughs or cry. She's only a week old but I could see a bright kid on her.

Masayang masaya ang kambal ng makita nila ang kapatid nila. Halos hindi nila ito lubayan.

Naka titig ako kay Rihan na naka upo sa garden habang karga nya si Rihana mula dito sa balkon ng kwarto ko. A bottle of milk on his side while gently tapping the baby's back to make it burp. Sya ang gumagawa ng pag papaaraw sa umaga kay Rihana. I can see my baby getting spoil from her father kahit na ba hindi pa man sya ganon katanda.

Agad ako humakbang papasok ng kwarto ng mapalingon si Rihan sa direksyon ko. Kinuha ko ang iilang damit mula sa cabinet at lumabas ng kwarto. Sa hagdan na ako ng marinig ko si Rei na humahagikgik. Dahan dahan akong bumaba para tignan ang kambal dahil ang alam ko bukod kay Rihan ay wala ng ibang bisita.

Pag dating sa kusina, kusang lumaki ang mata ko ng makita si Keira na nag lalagay ng pancake sa plato habang ang kambal ay may hawak ng bottle of syrup at nag lalagay ng design sa iba pang pancakes. Tumikhim ako at agad na bumati ang kambal. Keira look at me. I fidget when he walk towards me and.. Pull a chair for me. Naupo ako duon at walang salitang tinalikuran nya ako pabalik sa mga bata.

Anong ginagawa nya dito?

"Mommy look! Uncle Kei made this because Daddy's taking care of baby Riha. He told us we can decorate it and give it to you and daddy!" Rei. naka ngiti sya habang naka tingin sakin. Ngumiti din ako saka tinignan si Eve na naka tingin naman kay Keira.

"Its beautiful, honey.. Pero tignan mo, puro syrup na yung kamay mo." I tried to stand pero narinig kong may tumikhim sa likod ko.

I saw Rihan. He smiled to me but my eyes remained staring at his. I didn't smile or anything. I little coo from Rihana made me blink. Parang in instant, lumapit sakin si Rihan saka inabot ang anak ko. Napangiti ako habang tinititigan si Rihana.

"Hey angel.. Good morning." Bati ko dito. Naka tingin lang ito sakin saka gumalaw galaw.

"Do you want warm milk, wifey? I will make you one." Rihan. Hindi ako lumingon sa kanya pero umiling ako. "How about pancakes? I bet you're hungry."

I ignore him again. I feel nothing for Rihan when I saw him in my hospital room a week ago. Nakakapag taka pero totoo iyon. I was hurt of what he said before. All those time niloloko nya ako. Ang daming panahon ang nasayang dahil sa pang loloko nya  at ng pinsan nya. I never thought he would stoop that low para lang saktan ako. He told me he love me but deep in me ay ayaw na maniwala sa sinasabi nya. I don't know what to believe anymore. He was with me all throughout of my labor. And I appreciate it. But the fact that I'll be with him for more longer time is suffocating.

I love my family and I want us complete but I can't just.. Just accept him like nothing happened. Rihan never believed in me and I don't know why I'm starting to feel the pain and the feeling of being played and cheated by him. I should be happy. Pero hindi ko magawa ang sumaya knowing he deceived me with Rion.

"Mommy are you okay?"

Nabalik ata ako sa huwisyo at tinignan si Eve na naka titig sakin. Tumango ako saka sya niyakap gamit ang isang braso at hinalikan sa noo.

"I'm okay, sweetie. May iniisip lang si Mommy. Kumain na kayo ng breakfast. Uncle Kei did it for you." I said trying to avert my eyes from Keira and Rihan.

"Hindi ka pa ba kakain Mommy?" Rei. Her eyes furrowing towards me.

"Mommy's fine. You go and eat honey." sagot ko dito. Tumango lang ito saka nag simulang kumain.

"Come on, wifey. Kumain ka na. Kailangan ng sustansya ni Riha galing sayo." Rihan.

"I made a lot." Keira.

"I'm fine." Sagot ko.

I'm about to stand ng agad umalalay sakin si Rihan. Marahan ko piniksi ang katawan ko sa kanya. Nakita ko ang pag babagonng emosyon nya ng gawin ko iyon. Tumalikod na ako saka marahang nag tungo sa living room. Mabuti na lamang hindi ganon kalaki itong bahay na inuupahan ko. Two-storey house ito na may garden na pwede pag laruan ng mga bata. I decided to live on my own. Ayaw ko na naka asa kay Dad at mas lalong ayaw ko na asahan si Rihan.

Naupo ako sa couch and just as I thought. Rihan followed behind.

"May problema ba, Erin?" gusto ko umirap sa pagiging mahinahon nya pero baka ikabinat ko lang kung papatulan ko pa sya.

"Wala. When are you going back? You've been staying here and you have works to do." I said trying to make a light conversation. Pinunasan ko ang labi ni Riha saka ito nginitian. "Ang ganda ganda mo naman anak."

I felt him sat beside mo. His arm rest behind me. I tried to scoot away but he held me.

"Tell me what's wrong, Erin. May gusto ko ba sabihin sa akin?" Malumanay na sabi nya. Umiling ako bilang sagot. "Then why are you avoiding me? I thought we are okay.."

Huminga ako ng malalim saka sinalubong ang mga mata nya. Dati takot ako titigan ang mga iyon. I'm admiring it way how I admire things that is important to me. But now things changed.. Aminin ko man o hindi.. Hindi ko alam kung maibabalik ko ba yung dating kami.

"Siguro panahon na para itigil na natin to. Masyado ng mahaba yung oras na nasayang dahil sa pag sasama natin Rihan. This time I want to make a right decision." I can feel the sides of my eyes heating. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat but my voice still quivered as I speak the words I've been wanting to say.

"Mag hiwalay na lang tayo please?" There. Finally I said it. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik ng sabihin ko iyon.

I saw pain in his eyes. Bahagya syang lumayo sakin. His eyes are watery. Umiling sya ng ikang ulit bago inabot ang braso ko. Hindi ako kumibo o gumalaw. I want him to see how I'm ready to leave him. Tama na yung nag mukha akong tanga. Tama na yung inuna ko sya bago ang mga anak ko. Tama na yung panahon na sinayang ko mapatunayan lang yung pag mamahal ko. Nakakasawa at ang hirap paniwalaan ng kagaya nya.

"Erin I know you're mad. Wag ka naman mag desisyon ng biglaan. What about the kids? Rihana? How about her? Hahayaan mo ba na maranasan nya yung naranasan ng kambal? Can't we fix this Erin? I was a jerk I know but I'm changing. I'm changing for our family, wag mo naman ako iwan kung kelan kayo nalang ng mga bata ang gusto ko makasama." Pigil nya ang panginginig ng boses pero alam ko ang pakiramdam na ganyan. Hindi ako nag salita. "Please? Let me prove myself to you and to our kids. I promise you won't regret it."

Umiling ako sa saka sya nginitian ng mapait. I saw how his shrug his head as if he don't want to believe it.

"I'm sorry Ri.. I'm so sorry for everything." I said trying to make myself calmer. I hug Rihana tighter.

"Why are you saying that, wifey? Ako dapat-"

"I'm sorry but I lost it." I said. Pakiramdam ko ngayon pinipiga naman ang dibdib ko.

"What?" He whisper

"I love you but I lost it..

I lost the trust to love you back and see who and what you are."

--

Hi there babies! Pasensya na matagal ako nawala. I was looking for myself the past few months.

By the way, paki support naman yung ELITES: RETURN ko! It's Saiu Emperial's story!