ELITES SERIES: SUFFER

chapter twenty three

Nag punas ako ng luha habang naka titig kay Saiu. Tulog na si Rihan sa kwarto namin at ako naman bumaba para sana kumuha ng tubig ng makita ko sya na umiinom mag isa. Siguro dahil sa buntis ako kaya madali akong maapektuhan ng ganito.

Sai sip his brandy while looking nowhere. Ako naman ay sumimsim sa baso ng gatas na hawak ko. Kanina pa kami naka upo dito at nag kukwentuhan.

It breaks my heart seeing him like this. He's my friend. And he treats me the same. He's been open to me the the whole time, siguro nag hahanap sya ng kaibigan noon na makakausap tungkol sa problema nya. Masasabi ko na kahit papaano, marami na akong alam agad tungkol sa kanya.

"Stop that.. Hindi maganda na gabi-gabi nag lalasing ka." Pag babawal ko. His turquoise gray eyes met mine. Nag baba agad ako ng tingin dahil sa malalim na titig nya. I saw him smile bitterly.

"I saw Isaiah today. He was so good playing piano and I couldn't help but to get so proud of him." His eyes sparks. I felt the fondness immediately covered my heart as I saw him smile. A proud smile. "He is a big boy. You see, pag mag katabi siguro sila ni Eve ay mag mumukhang bunso ang anak mo. He's good looking. Kamukhang-kamukha ko sya." You can hear the genuine love of a man in him.

"Did you talk to him?" I know how much he wanted to see him. Pero narito sya sa hacienda para lumayo. He shrug his head and took another shot. "You must be missing him so much."

"Yeah.. But I don't have the right." the bitterness in his word came out as if it was being hidden for a long time.

The day I met him, I knew something was off. Hindi ako nang himasok o nag tanong sa kanya. Its just that one day, I found him coming to me. He was drunk and wasted. Ako naman ay nag hahanap noon ng pagkain dahil na rin siguro lumalaki na ang bata sa tyan ko.

He was devastated and I don't know what to do. Hindi kami ganoon na magka sundo pero sya ang laging kasama ko dahil minsan lang din naman ako maka lapit kay Rihan. Abala sya sa kambal.

Hanggang iyon, nag open up sya sakin. I was surprised when he told me he has a son. Older than the twins. He showed me some picture of him, and the boy was really good looking. He has all the features of his father.

That was not my story to tell. All I know is that he's separated to Isaiah's mother.

"I never want him to meet me.." His eyes met mine again. I saw the sadness in those piercing eyes. "But deep inside I want him to know me. Pero sino ba ang gugustuhin na kilalaning ama ang isang drug addict?"

Again, my tears roll from my eyes. He think low of himself. I can feel the pain he has as a parent.

"You'll be better. I'm sure of it."

He smile to me. "I won't. I will never be the better person my son needs. Never."

After talking with him nauna na ako umakyat. I know that the twins are already asleep. I sent them to bed earlier. I was walking toward our room. Hindi ko naman sinasadya na marinig ang boses ni Rihan. Pero alam ko na may kausap sya. I don't know if I should walk in or not. Something tells me to go, but my body don't want to.

"Maybe."

His voice was soft. As if he doesn't want to hurt the person he was talking in the phone.

"I know it better that anything, Rion. I want my children. I want them all."

Para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig ng banggitin nya ang pangalan na iyon. I thought we're okay? Nag iinit ang bawat sulok ng mata ko habang naka titig kay Rihan na naka ngiti. May mga kinang sa mga mata nya na kahit kailan di ko nakita sa tuwing kausap nya ako. Wala akong marinig sa mga sinasabi nya. Pero nakikita ko ang ekspresyon na binibigay nya. Daig ko pa ang biningi.