I just needed a place to write that wasn't a main Wattpad account, so I dug the password for this old account out of the back of my head.
I don't have friends so this is the next best thing lol
To start, I'll say this, I know I'm not completely alone. But lately, I tend to feel like I'd barely be seen by anyone in a crowded room. No one would notice if I left, no one would notice if I stayed.
I find myself up a lot at night, thinking of the past mainly, but sometimes, future anxieties call my name too. I'll get to all of those things though, I promise. I plan on writing things that I've never have told a soul (especially not in any sort of detail).
I know how this book-blog-journal-whatever thing sounds right now: depressing as FUCK. But it won't be. I can be happy too, just like any other normal person.
So, without anymore bullshitting around, here we go, a quick one to start.
09/09/18-09/10/18
(it's 12:30 AM, you decide)
Sometimes I look back on my online profiles. It makes me think, good or bad.
Tonight, it was Instagram. I always regret looking back because it brings back a lot. I use song lyrics for the caption of almost every post, and although I say otherwise, most of the time, they do reflect how I'm feeling. I had been so happy for so long, good and healthy. But not long after April 2017, you can slowly see me losing myself and falling back into a really deep sadness. I look at those posts and it's almost like I can feel that void in my heart I felt then. I just can't bring myself to delete those posts.
Over 500 people kept up on my profile at the time, yet no one noticed I was falling apart. I made it so clear that I was not okay, but not one person picked up on my cries for help. And over a year later that still bothers me
