Elastic Heart (Z.M)

tugging at the strings

"I'm sorry Zayn. You don't know how much I regret everything." I apologize knowing it wouldn't be good enough. There's nothing I can do or say to make up for things. I simply can't.

"There's no point in being angry over it now. I can't get that time back, but just know I won't allow you, to separate me from my daughter. Not you nor anyone, family or not." Zayn looks up with a serious look.

That's a warning.

I frown trying to calm the raging hormones inside of me. They make me feel like I'm crazy at times. If Zayn didn't have our daughter in his arms, I feel like I would have lunged at him. How dare he say that?

"The same goes for you." I chuck back with equal amount of venom.

This is all confusing me? Sometimes it feels like Zayn loves me and we are okay. Other times I feel how he stares at me with so much hate. When I catch him looking at me like that he'll quickly change into a smile. That doesn't stop me from having these feelings of uncertainty.

"I don't mean to offend you but I'm not letting another child get taken from me. I won't allow it this time." Zayn states holding Emris to him a little closer.

Suddenly I feel uneasy with her being in his arms.

"Can I have her back? I'll put her down." I ask him standing up.

I frown when Zayn moves away from me.

"I can hold my daughter Blair. I'm fine." He says raising his voice a bit. That only fuels my uneasy nerves.

I take a breath so I remain calm for Emris's sake.

"I need to hold her Zayn. She calms me down." I plead feeling my heart rate drop. There's an icy feeling in my veins and I feel an incoming anxiety attack.

"No, now I'm definetly not giving her back. Get yourself together yourself, don't use her for that." Zayn snaps walking around me to place her in the crib.

Once he placed her down I go to pick her right back up. I don't care what he has to say. She is my child and if I want to hold her then I will. I hear his intake of breath so I walk out of the room instead. I ignore Zayn's protests.

I walk instead into my room closing the door behind me. I go lay with my baby in bed holding her to me.

I don't know why I'm feeling like this. I shut my eyes for a moment trying to focus only on Emris's scent. I focus on how soft her skin feels on mine. I focus on the way it feels to hold her hand around my finger. She coos softly when I trace the shape of her lips.

My heart melts when Emris smiles against my finger in her sleep. She looks so beautiful.

"I love you so much baby girl. You are my rock, I never want you to think, I'm using you." I murmur pressing soft kisses all around Emris's face. I lay myself on my side and place Emris near me.

I hear the door open but I don't give it any attention. I don't care what he has to say for himself. I just want to be with my daughter in this moment.

Out of the corner of my eye I see him walk towards the bed. I try not to make a face when he lays himself down on the other side of Emris. Closing any space that there is between us.